Page 10 of Raine
Saliva keeps pooling in my mouth, and I’m forced to keep swallowing it down. It’s as if the mere thought of the drug has me salivating like a mangy dog when he sees a slab of fresh meat.
Pushing my shitty analogy to the back of my mind, I step down into the room and beeline it to the back where my room is.
I can feel six sets of eyes on me, but I refuse to meet any of them. I don’t need their judgment or pity. None of them really know me from a bar of soap, except Starr, that is. But to the rest of them, I’m Raine, the princess of the Tartarus Mafia, and their boss. That’s it.
Slamming my door, I move to the shiny black vanity and open the drawers with shaky hands. I stare at the contents, my mind and body raging with one another.
There are a couple of bags of white powder, pills, and some weed. I catch something in the reflection and peer up, only to find my own set of eyes in the mirror. Horripilation breaks out over my body, the tiny goosebumps pebbling me body and I shiver. I swear I saw something, but there’s no one here except me. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and open them once more.
I peer at my reflection with a sense of longing. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s like I don’t know the woman staring back at me. There’s a little girl inside of me —one that’s caged, scared, and screaming within. I feel like I’m walking over jagged pieces of glass, and it fucking hurts.
I don’t want to deal with her tonight, and I definitely don’t want to think about Acheron’s words that are still banging around in my damn head.
I swallow the saliva collecting in my mouth, and it slides like razor blades down my throat as I pick up the bags of drugs.
Pushing my makeup further back on the vanity, I place the baggies down, my hands vibrating with both need and hate for myself. I know once I choose my poison for the night, I’ll feel fine for a little while.Alive.
Chewing on my lip, I reach for the bag of little blue pills — ecstasy. There’s a picture of Superman stamped on them, signaling the name of this batch. I’ve had these before, and I loved them. Cocaine-based, and they make me feel wild and free. Exactly what I need tonight.
Pouring a glass of water from the jug sitting on my vanity, I pick one out, take one last look at the sad girl with vivacious cobalt eyes and wild orchid hair, and throw the pill in my mouth.
Gulping down the water, the tablet tastes bitter on my tongue, and I feel the powder coating lining my throat, so I swallow some more water and place my hand on my vanity.
Leaning forward, my hair falls forward and provides a curtain for me, a shield I wish I could take into the world. I’m at this point in my life where I’ll do anything to numb the emotions that constantly wreak havoc inside of me.
The good thing is I was molded by some of the most callous men and women, meaning I’m tough as fucking titanium and I won’t allow anyone to see me bend. Especially the members out there waiting for me to dance — forthem.
As if on cue, I hear the announcer through the speakers in my room: the ones connected to the microphone at the stages where my girls and I dance.
“It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for all night, ladies and gents,” he drawls, and I roll my eyes, feeling the effects of the ecstasy beginning to kick in already.
I need to move my ass now if I’m going to make it to the stage in time. There are two sets of stairs in the dancing section. One that the dancers and I enter through to begin our shifts, and one that leads up to the stage where we dance.
“Do you know who she is? Of course you do! It’s why you’re here tonight, isn’t it?” He croons, and I try not to gag from the effects of the pill setting in and his words.
Shaking my hair out, I fluff it and push out an exaggerated breath, glancing at the mirror once more to make certain that my corset and everything else is in place. Reaching for my mask, I slide it over my face and immediately feel a buzz that never fails to surprise me.
Allegedly, our masks have old magic embedded into them, and as the mask molds to my face like a second skin, I know it’s true. With the drug now working through my veins and the mask on my face, I finally feel alive.
The announcer drones on some more and I know he’s firing the crowd up for my arrival. Exiting the room, my body sings, and I feel a smile stretching across my face to the point where I know my face will be hurting by the end of the night.
I catch Starr’s eyes first, and she offers me a small smile, but I see the flicker of disappointment. I just don’t have it in me to give a fuck right now.
I stand in front of the girls, all their eyes trained on me, and I reckon I’d look like the damn Joker if I saw my reflection in the mirror with how wide my smile is.
“You girls ready?”
They all nod their heads.
“I don’t need to tell you tonight is a big night because we’ve been training for it for the last month, but I do need to remind you that we can’t afford any mistakes. If you’re a pace behind, step up. If you miss a beat, correct it,” I demand, and then soften my tone. “I believe in every one of you, so dance like your ass is on fire and shake it like the world is going to end tomorrow. Any tips you get are yours to keep, as always. Above all, have fun.”
They all yip and holler out, each of them reaching for their half-black masks, a neon pink tear dripping down each one.
I take one last look at them, noticing the different colors of their corsets with a vividness I hadn’t noticed earlier. The drugs are well and truly working their magic.
I move to the stairs and feel their eyes on my back as I descend the staircase to the stage. The girls will follow after my first ten-minute solo, and that’s how we will finish the night, with them dancing with and around me.
My blood rushes in my ears, and adrenaline thrashes throughout my entire being. When I reach the top of the stairs, I open the door to the backstage, fix my corset into place, check my mask, and wait behind the dark curtain.
