Page 68 of Raine
“Arrow, please…”
“Don’t!” he booms, and I shrink back, biting on my lip to stop the sob trying to leave my mouth.
“I’ve fucking loved you forever, Raine, for fucking ever. I’ve been there every step of the way with you, saving you from yourself even when it hurt me, watching you fuck whoever you wanted, and even joining in with you so I could be close to you. So many times I knew I should cut you loose and move on with my life, knowing how fucking toxic we were for each other. But I held on tenaciously like the love sick little puppy I am, hoping you would one day drop the one-night stands and orgies and pick me,” he growls, the affliction and the tears brimming in his eyes buckle me.
“To fucking pick me!” he screams, banging on his chest where his heart is, and a sob breaks loose. “I would have done anything for you. If you’d asked me to cut out my heart and leave it at your feet while I bled out, I would have done it without so much as a question. You were my forever after, Raine,” he says sadly, a lone tear falling from his eye while mine cascade down my cheeks like a roiling storm.
“I fucking love you so much it hurts, so fucking much that I can’t bear to do what I’m about to do. I’m a fool for you;wasa fool for you. Do you know what it feels like, Raine? It feels as if I’m sawing out my heart with a blunt chainsaw,” he whispers, pausing and searching my eyes for what I don’t know.
“There’s nothing left of me to give, and even though our hearts have never beat to the same tempo as each other’s, the useless fucking organ still beats in my chest for you. I can’t do this anymore; I can’t keep putting you first and me last.”
He smiles at me sadly, dropping my hair and stepping back. My chest tightens with anxiety, the loss of him already cleaving a gaping chasm in my heart, a void that I’ll never be able to fill.
“Thank you, Princess. Thank you for finally setting me free.”
He turns away, and I panic, not wanting this to be our ending. “Arrow, wait!”
He stops, canting his head over his shoulder to look at me. “I’ll always love you, but I’ll always hate you for it, too, because it fucking hurts loving you, Raine Alla Voroniva.”
An ugly sob breaks free as he turns his back on me, leaving me there alone with my world falling apart. I finally did it. I broke my best friend, and I hate myself for it.
Chapter21
Raine
Idon’t know how long I’ve been sobbing on the floor of my living room since Arrow left; all I know is that he took a piece of me, one I don’t believe I’ll ever get back. I have lost my best friend, the only person in this world who knew me better than I know myself.
It was always going to end this way, with us at odd ends of the stick because I was never going to give him what he needed, and I was too selfish to stop it earlier, too self-absorbed in my own pity.
God knows how many times I replayed what he’d said to me over and over in my mind, hating it but knowing everything he said was the truth. Arrow Jarvis Kingston would have died for me if I’d asked that of him, and the fucked-up part is that I loved his devotion and attention more than I’d ever admit aloud.
I'm stupid or naïve, I knew my best friend was in love with me all these years, but the way he and I love are two completely different things. I love him with everything I am, but I’m not in love with him. It was never by choice; it was just the way I’m hardwired.
Things would have been so fucking simple if I’d allowed him to love me the way he’d wanted and if I loved him back like he needed, but alas, that was never our story.
I pick myself up off the floor, leaving my heart in my wake as I stagger upstairs and toward my room. I stand in the doorway, my eyes moving around the dark purple and black gothic-style room with its four-poster bed and black lace hanging around it.
I eye my mama’s diary sitting on my side table, and I make a snap decision — one I know needs to happen. Prowling across the room before I can even talk myself out of it, I snatch it up and move around the room packing a bag.
Rushing downstairs, I locate the bags of items I purchased for the girls at Justyce’s safe house and grab them. I do a quick stocktake of my luggage to make sure I have my charger, phone, mama’s diary, and any other little bits and pieces I may need.
I’m out of my house in a matter of minutes, sitting in my Porsche and watching the gates close before speeding off. A pang of guilt and pain lashes at my chest when I pass Arrow’s mansion, but I focus on the road, one destination in mind.
I need to put one foot in front of the other, but first, I have some gifts to give these girls before I make my next move into my new reality.
I arrive at Justyce’s hideout and head straight in, bags swinging at my sides. Without knocking or announcing my arrival, I place my finger down on the keypad and speak my name into the speaker. The computer notices my credentials, and the door clicks open.
Angelite rushes into the hallway, gun cocked, and her pretty eyes assessing me. “For crying out loud, Raine,” she says, breathing a sigh of relief. “You scared the shit out of me. Justyce didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“Because he doesn’t know. Yet.”
She straightens, holstering the gun on the side of her faded denim jeans, and nods. “What do you need?”
I raise the bags, and her brow furrows.
“What’s that?”
“I promised the girls I’d bring them a few things.”
