Page 103 of Off-Limits
“Ok, bub. Thanks for calling.”
“Always, mum. Happy birthday again, and I love you. We will talk soon, ok?”
“Of course, bub. I better go check the pizza in the oven anyway. Love you, too. Make sure you visit soon.”
I swallow again.
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you, too, bub.”
We linger on the phone for a moment, words left hanging and unsaid, but when I feel the sob breaking through, I press the end button as fresh tears stream down my face.
How am I here again in my damn life? I thought the chaos had ended for good, but it seems like misery loves company, and I’m its bitch. I give myself a few precious andselfish moments to grieve the life I could have had, miss the parents I didn’t have, but whom I still love all the same.
There’s a hollowness inside of me, even more so now since hanging up from my mum. My stomach twists and turns, but I talk myself into believing it’s because of the conversation I had with her, when she admitted to me how proud she was of me.
I take in ten deep breaths, pulling them from my diaphragm, urging my tears to cease. On the tenth one, a hiccup breaks through, but no more tears cascade down my face.
I need to get my shit together. I’ve been sitting at this petrol station for the last hour. I’ve been trying to convince myself to drive the rest of the way to Sydney, but I know the further I get away from Barrendridge, the more everything I’m doing is real.
I’m leaving both of them behind.
Pulling onto the road, I remind myself that I am doing the right thing, even if it hurts everyone I love the most. I toy with the choker Damon gave me as I weave in and out of traffic, forcing myself to stay focused and not on the man I love.
It feels as if I’m missing part of my soul, and then when I think of Arrie, it feels as if I’ve lost piece of who I am. I don’t want a life without her in it.
I miss them both so fucking much that it physically hurts.
I keep trying to breathe in and out, keeping my eyes on the road, but when my phone rings beside me, I curse out loud because I forgot to turn the damn thing off when I finished my call with mum.
I try not to look , but I glance down and see Damon’s name. Blindly, I grasp for it, feel around for the off button, and the silence is immediate. I wheeze out a shallow breath, one after the other, urging the panic and anxiety away, and after a few tense moments, it dissipates to a dull ache in the centre of my chest.
How the fuck am I going to get over him?
Shaking my head, I remind myself what is at stake. If I had tested my aunt, even though I have dirt on her, I know she still would have lodged a false report, and mine would have been null and void. It’s not something I was willing to risk.
She has always been a vindictive mole, and I’ve seen the lengths she’s gone to get what she wants, so I wasn’t going to play with fire when she held the can of petrol in her hand.
“This is best for everyone.” I say out loud, hating the jitter in my voice, because even I know I’m lying to myself.
This is me protective everyone I love, again.
This is me putting everyone else before me, again.
This is me not loving myself enough, again.
And the little girl caged by my ribs, bangs on my chest loudly, the useless organ beating around her and reminding me that no matter how much I’ve grown, I’m still that little girl inside, the one who desperately wants to be loved and accepted.
But this isn’t a fairytale, and this isn’t my happy ending.
I’m destined to be alone and shrouded by darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
DAMON
It’s been seven days, five hours, and thirty-two minutes, since I last saw Dottie and held her in my arms. I haven’t left my apartment since Arrie rocked up here and shattered my world further, ripping my heart from its damn cavity.
