Page 11 of Off-Limits
She nods her head, looks out the window, and takes another sip of coffee. I can see the cogs ticking over in her mind, but I’ve said my piece, given her another avenue to think about, and now I need to get my shit together and focus on what I’m going to do.
But just as I’m about to excuse myself, Arrie speaks.
“I didn’t tell you this yesterday…. It’s your dad. He’s sick.”
Chapter Three
DOTTIE
Isit on the floor of the shower after Arrie dropped the bombshell on me, and I hate I’m having this kind of response to it. That I fucking care, after the way they treated me my entire life, but I guess you can’t help loving the people who gave you life, even if they weren’t present.
Arrie said she doesn’t expect me to drop my life here, especially knowing my history with my parents, but she thought I should know.
I didn’t ask her any questions. My dad was a right fucking prick, especially with his drug and alcohol addiction. I try to push the bad memories away, but they are persistent little fuckers.
The hot water rains like pins on my too-sensitive skin. I don’t want to fucking care. But I do. Boy do I fucking care.
Releasing a leaden sigh, I force myself to stand and finish my shower. I quickly wash my hair and body and hop out. Grabbing the fluffy purple towel, I wrap it around my body and move into my room.
Arrie is sitting on my bed, waiting for me.
As soon as I walk in, her peridot green eyes find mine.
“Are you ok?”
“I’m fine.”
“Liar. Anyone who says they arefine,aren’t fine at all. It’s ok to be upset, Dottie. He is still your father.”
Dropping the towel and my modesty, I turn away and grab the tank and shorts off the back of the chair and dresser, and shimmy into them. I don’t make eye contact with her in the mirror, but I know she’s watching.
Waiting.
Huffing out a breath, I turn and face her. “What do you want me to say, Arrie? My father is a dropkick. He and my mother made my life a living fucking hell, and even through all the clusterfuck, I still wanted them to see me, to fucking love me!” I end with a shout, my heart thumping rapidly in my chest.
Arrie pushes off the bed and moves toward me. I can see the pity and sadness in her green eyes. I see it, and I don’t want it, but when she wraps her arms around me and squeezes, I fall a-fucking-part.
Sobs wrench from deep within, so fucking deep that it steals my breath. I thought I’d beaten that little girl inside of me to a pulp and buried her in the process, but clearly, I hadn’t.
“I don’t - I don’t want to care.”
“Ssh, honey, I know, but you do, and that’s ok.”
She holds me for another few minutes, telling me everything is going to be ok. But it’s not. I swore I’d never return to the hellhole I grew up in, only offering phone calls on their birthdays since I left Barrenridge, yet here we are.
I’ll go back, like I always do.
Those damn memories resurface again, however, this time I don’t allow them to steer me down that rocky yellow brick road. I can smell the alcohol on his breath, even though he isn’there, and I can see my mother crying in the corner as she screams at him.
They were toxic back then, and I don’t believe that will ever change. But they loved each other irrespective of all the bullshit, fights and pain in between. They walked that motherfucking tightrope of love and hate on shaky feet, but they never fell off.
At least not for each other.
For me it was a different story.
“What are you going to do, Dottie?”
Our eyes lock and I shrug my shoulders.
