I know he heard me.
I’m yours, I said.
He knows I am his, forever.
My gasp kicks off an unending sob, and my hand continues to grip the dagger in his heart, even as Eira and Throg move him off me.
Throg unclenches my fingers from around the handle.
He picks me up and sets me on his horse, the largest one the Syf had to accommodate his size. One used to pull heavy carts, they said.
I’m crying uncontrollably. Throg holds on to my convulsing body during the entire ride home. I don’t glance at Riev’s body draped overmy horse.
It’s something I never want to see or remember, so I refuse to look.
I just can’t.
I’ve used up all the courage and bravery I have. Perhaps I did the right thing, and I didn’t put what I wanted first—but it’s broken me.
Riev has broken me in ways I never thought possible.
We ride in utter silence back into the woods. What is there to say? Everyone saw what happened. I did what I had to do, and he sacrificed himself for me.
Love is fucking deadly.
“I love youis just another way to let the universe know that we have someone else to lose.” -Delphine
“They will have a royal funeral for Riev,” Throg says gently two days later. “If you want to see him one last time…”
We sit side-by-side on a log by the East River, taking a break after gathering samples for the Syf to study.
It’s best they stay away from the water as much as possible, so Throg and I volunteered. The Artemysians primarily sourced their water from the West River anyway.
They will continue to work toward a cure.
“Why can’t he heal? Syf don’t die unless you decapitate them. We’ve always known that.” I stare down my shirt, my fingers twisting the hem. His blue flannel. A shirt he will never wear again. Why did it mean so much to him, a hand-me-down from Marije? His only connection to family? A reminder of a time when he liked who he was? Before he was a killer. Before he felt unloved…
“The healers tried. He’s only half Syf. His uncle saidperhaps his heart is more human than Syf. It isn’t healing from the dagger strike.”
His heart is more human than Syf.And that’s where I stabbed him.
“But Eira said injured Syf can be dormant while they heal, even without breath or heartbeat for a while…”
“Elphie, they said there’s no sign of him healing at all. He’s dead.”
“He can’t be dead!” I holler, out of anger, out of the unfairness that he had to die. Because he dove into the river to save me. Because I held onto the dagger that killed him. “Why does it have to hurt like this?” I sob.
Throg scoots closer, trying his best to catch my eye, but I refuse to look up. “Elphie, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you allowed yourself to love. That’s why you’re hurting so much.”
“Lot of good that did.” My hands go to my swollen eyes. I swallow back the lump in my throat, but it’s too late.
I’m weeping. That’s all I’ve been doing. The tears flow, endlessly bitter.
He’d said he loved me. I never had a chance to say it back.
But people like me—people like my father—know thatI love youis a curse.
SayingI love youis just another way to let the universe know that we have someone else to lose.