Page 119 of Untouchable
“Kelly,” Caleb rasped, wishing he could just shake the truth out of her lips. “Why?”
She let out a long sigh. “I don’t know,” she admitted in a defeated tone. “I just did.”
Caleb closed his eyes, slammed with a wave of dizziness, which was an absurd reaction to the situation. His response to this entire encounter had been far more extreme than it should have been.
Yes, he’d fucked her roughly, but she had asked him to. If she hadn’t wanted it, then it was her responsibility to tell him rather than egg him on. True, their fucking had obviously been upsetting to her, but it wasn’t really his fault and shouldn’t make him feel so off-kilter.
But it did.
Despite his attempt to deny it, the truth threatened to level him anyway. Kelly had begged him to fuck her, but not because she’d wanted it. Shehadn’twanted it, and yet she’d taken it, encouraged it, demanded more.
Let him use her.
She’d been punishing herself. Through him.
The truth Caleb hadn’t wanted to admit.
He knew she’d had a bad relationship with that Russian gangster in the past and that she was still working through it. Maybe this was connected to that experience, but it felt even deeper, even more.
“It’s not your fault,” Kelly added, evidently reading guilt on his expression. “It was my choice. I asked for it. How could you have known differently?”
He had known. Subconsciously. Instinctively. He had known, but he’d ignored it because his other urges had been so strong.
At that silent admission, Caleb sucked in an urgent breath and then reached down to grab another Coke, this one for himself. He took a long swallow, hoping it would settle his stomach.
Kelly kept huddling next to him, so small and fragile that he incongruously felt like a big, hulking, clumsy Neanderthal. “It’s not that big a deal anyway,” she mumbled. “You didn’t hurt me or anything. I just wasn’t as into it as I’d expected.”
And suddenly Caleb was angry with her. For making him feel like this. For causing him to question himself. For shaking the sure foundations of his universe over the course of the past weeks. “You might have considered how it would make me feel to fuck you when you didn’t want it. I’m not in the habit of being with women who are unwilling.”
Kelly opened her mouth as if she was going to immediately respond. Then she snapped it shut and sipped her Coke in silence for a few minutes.
When she finally did respond, it wasn’t at all what Caleb had expected. “Are you so sure about that?”
It took him a few moments to piece together her question with the last thing he’d said. But when he had, he bristled defensively. “Are you suggesting?—”
“No,” Kelly said, sounding more tired than anything else now. “I know you would never take someone without consent. That’s not what I was implying. I just meant are you so sure that you’re always with women who want to be with you.”
Caleb was nearly as offended by this remark as he’d been by her earlier one. “Every woman I’ve been with has come to me willingly.”
“I know,” Kelly acknowledged softly. “But have they really wantedyou?”
Caleb had been about to argue some more, but something about her question struck him. It didn’t convince him, but itmade an impact on him. He sat for a moment and thought about it.
Then Kelly continued, before he could work out a response, “Have you ever hired a prostitute?”
“Call girls,” Caleb said. “Yes. But that’s a business transaction, and those women received as much as they provided.”
Kelly’s voice was faint as she prompted, “And they… wanted to be with you?”
Caleb jerked away, a jolt of resentment shooting through his chest at what he took to be her implication. “Yes. I was careful about the services I used. Every woman who was sent to me was there willingly and was justly compensated.”
“I believe you. Although I’m not sure you can be one hundred percent sure about the kinds of choices most women in those situations have. But anyway, that’s not really my point. They fuck you for the money. Not because they want to be with you.”
That was undeniably true.
“And all those other women you fucked over the years,” Kelly continued, her voice almost gentle but somehow becoming a weapon Caleb couldn’t avoid.
“What about them?” he asked thickly. “They were all willing. Most of them came on to me. You aren’t really going to suggest that women don’t have the ability to make a conscious, informed choice about sex.”
