Page 173 of Untouchable
He wasn’t prying, wasn’t presuming to demand answers she might not want to give. And because of this she was able to reply hoarsely, “Yeah. I’d thought… I’d thought I’d gotten over a lot of this. At least the worst of it. But it’s like an old wound was just ripped open, and it hurts more than it did at the beginning.”
It still did. Hurt so much. With no hatred or apathy or drive for revenge to shield her from the bitter truth of it, the loss of her father hurt more now than it ever had.
Jack was quiet for a long time.
Then he finally said, “I can’t imagine how much it must hurt. But maybe… maybe…” He paused. “Maybe it’s like you were saying before, when you decided to go back to him.”
“I don’t remember what I said.”
So he told her. “Maybe this time the wound will heal clean.”
37
One of thestrangest things about life was you eventually started to feel better.
No matter how torn apart Kelly was, no matter how much it felt like the pain would actually kill her during the night, she felt a little better the next day.
Not good. Not anything close to good. But just a little better. Enough that she could take a shower, get dressed, and drink some coffee.
Jack hadn’t yet left, so the three of them sat around Reese’s small living area with their coffee, with a kind of bleak exhaustion that was at least a little better than the traumatic grief of the night before.
When no one said anything for a while, Kelly told Jack, “You need to shave.”
He rubbed his chin, the bristles making a rasping sound in the quiet room. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
“So what now?” Reese asked, looking from one of them to the other. “What happens now? Are you going to expose what you know? I mean, the whole story. I know you’re not going to put the story out there that Caleb did the killing.”
Kelly sighed and closed her eyes. “I’m not going to expose anything. I know Caleb and Vinnie were wrong. Obviously they were. But I just…” She cleared her throat. “I’ve been wrong too. And it doesn’t feel right for me to punish them when I’m just as guilty as they are.”
“You’re not—” Reese began.
“Yes, I am. I know I am.” She stared down into her mug at the black coffee. “You don’t get to play with other people’s lives the way I did and claim you did something good. The truth is good. Knowing the truth is worth doing. But the way I got it… It doesn’t feel right to me. Not any more right than what Caleb did back then.”
She could still see Caleb’s face—how utterly broken it had been. She’d done that to him. She’d loved him, and she’d still broken him. “I don’t get to claim I did something good.”
“So no justice at all,” Reese murmured. “Are you going to be okay with that?”
Kelly shook her head. “Who could be okay with that? If there was justice available for me, I think I would take it. But the people who are really guilty are dead. They’re beyond justice now. And all that’s left would be… would be a gesture that accomplishes nothing.”
She could still hear Caleb’s voice on those old recordings—how horrified he sounded, how young and upset he’d been. He hadn’t taken any pleasure in her father’s death. It had twisted something in his heart that had never been untwisted.
Actions had consequences even if they were never addressed in the criminal justice system. Caleb hadn’t been untouched by his sins.
Neither was she. She was paying for them even now.
“We can put all the evidence away,” Jack said. “But I think you’ll need to talk to your mother. She knows what we learned yesterday. I called her last night to tell her we weren’t goingthrough with it, but I’m not sure…” He cleared his throat. “You need to talk to her. I’d do it soon.”
Kelly felt a flicker of anxiety, a sharp emotion that was almost a relief as it slashed through her chilly numbness. “You think she’ll go ahead with our original plan? Publicize the evidence that makes it look like Caleb did the killing?”
“I think it’s possible. She’s a lot angrier than you ever were. And she’s a lot less reasonable.”
Kelly knew Jack was right, and the knowledge propelled her to her feet. “Shit. This thing is never over, is it? Where is she? Do you know?”
Jack stood up too. “She’s in hospice care,” he said. “She’s not been doing well.”
She was dying. It shouldn’t matter that much to Kelly since her mother had abandoned her a long time ago and she’d done nothing to make up for it.
But it did matter. It made Kelly’s stomach twist with feeling. Like here was another sad story that was about to reach its end.
