Page 123 of To Love or to Lose
“I’ll see what Logan and Luke are doing.” From the movement of his camera, I assume he’s going downstairs.
“Okay,” I answer.
“You sure you’re okay with us crashing?” He asks.
“You’re not crashing anything; we’re eating lunch.” It’s true. I wouldn’t have invited Jameson purely out of obligation, and I won’t mind him being there.
“Alright, well I’ll see you there, then.” He grins into the camera.
“Okay.”
We say our goodbyes, and as soon as his call ends, I start another with Winnie and Eloise.
Logan, Luke, and Jameson walk into Taylor’s Diner twenty minutes after Winnie, Eloise, and I got here. Casually late, like usual.
Winnie waves as they approach, and the three of us scoot toward the middle of the corner booth to make room for the boys to sit.
There isn’t a weird tension within the group like I thought there would be. Our conversations feel normal, and our friendship doesn't feel tainted with the secret that Jameson and I are keeping.
I kissed him two nights ago, and nobody but the two of us know it happened, let alone that it happened again the next day. It feels like something should be different, like there should have been a shift in the dynamic between all of us, but there isn’t one.
Jameson glances at me from across the table occasionally, and every time he does, I look away—as if my feelings are radiating off my skin for everyone to see.I knew this secret would be hard to keep, but I was more worried about getting caught, not about making our attraction obvious.Now every glance, every sentence we speak to each other, is subject to my scrutiny.
When we leave the restaurant, the group splits into its usual sub-groups of Winnie and Logan, Luke and Eloise, and then not-so-usually, Jameson and me.
“Well, that was horrible,” he says once we’re a few feet away from everyone else.
I sigh in relief. “You thought so too?”
“Did you think we were being overtly obvious the entire time?”
“Are we being overtly obvious right now?” I look back to where the others are standing around.
“I hope not,” he groans.
“Is it even worth it to keep this a secret?” We had talked a bit about it last night, but other than that, we haven’t broached the topic much further.
“I think we need to take time to figure things out for ourselves before our friends throw their inputs at us,” he replies, as if we are in some type of business meeting.
“Okay.” I watch as the group begins to re-consolidate, knowing we don’t have much longer before they get close enough to hear our conversation.
“Hey,” Jameson says, catching my attention. “I’m glad we’re doing this. You don’t have to be worried.”
“You’re sure?” I ask.
He smiles sincerely. “If I’m sure about anything, it’s you.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
119 days until graduation
I realize what kind of family dinners I miss out on every time I’m standing on the front porch of the Callaghan’s house.
The banner saying, “Congratulations!” hangs from the railing of the porch, celebrating all our college acceptances. Handmade tokens of how proud the Callaghans are of us.
It stings, knowing I won’t be getting that from my parents anytime soon.
Of course, I got the ‘Congratulations on Columbia’ call when Monica and Jim Alderidge finally got enough time away from their jobs. I even got a hug and pat on the back when the two of them were home for a week.
