Page 134 of To Love or to Lose
“Genevieve,” he tries to say, but my back is already to him.
“You’re the same person who came to Fairwood to take my Valedictorian position, and the second I stop hating you, you dothisto me.” That’s when I see that Logan’s car is in my driveway. “I think you should go.”
I don’t mean it, I know Jameson is not the person I first thought he was, but the pain in my chest forces me to say something in retaliation, to hurt him the way he’s hurting me.
“Genova—” The nickname makes my head spin.
“Jameson.” I cut him off. “You’ve done enough.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
102 days until graduation
I didn’t sleep last night.
Not because I didn’t try to, but because every time I did, all I could imagine was Jameson sleeping on a plane while on his way home to London.
I don’t even want to think about how he must be fine—how he still feels his metaphorical heart beating after breaking mine so horribly. Yet, it’s the only thing I can focus on.
So, I didn’twake upfor school this morning. I got out of bed, and it was miserable.
I feel noticeably different as I get ready, but I only realize how terrible I look when I glance in the mirror. The bags under my eyes are a clear sign I haven’t slept, and the tear stains on my cheeks make me look even more despondent.
Jameson is taking up all of my being, metaphorically, literally, and in every sense of the word. Every thought of him I have are like cuts on the palm of my hand, noticeable in every aspect while slowly bleeding me dry.
Death by a thousand cuts, one that Jameson is causing.
I wash my face, attempting to look better than I feel and trying to wash away the feeling of dread I have over going to school without Jameson being there. I go through the motions for the rest of my morning, not even paying attention to the mundane tasks I’ve completed until Gwen, and I are in the car driving to school.
“Are you okay?” She asks from the passenger seat. “Jameson left kinda fast last night.”
I shrug as I flick my blinker on. It’s rare that Gwen and I have heart-to-hearts like these, and it would be completely out of character for me to spill my heart out to her now. “He left and went back to London; he was there to say goodbye.”
Gwen practically rocket-launches back into her chair. “He went back to London?”
“Yeah,” I utter, trying to keep my composure. Sure, I might hold my shit together while going through the motions of my normal day, but I didn’t consider how difficult it would be to talk about Jameson. “Listen, Gwen, I don’t really want to talk about it just yet.”
“This is a good thing though, right?” She asks, not dropping the subject. “You get to be Valedictorian all by yourself now.”
“It’s not really about that anymore, Gwen.” I turn into the middle school parking lot.
Gwen unbuckles her seatbelt. “You know that night at Taylor’s diner?” She suddenly asks as I pull my car into a parking spot so we can talk before she goes in.
“Yes.” I’m not sure where this conversation is going, but I am partially nervous it’s going to take a turn for something deeper.
“It was Mae’s idea to meet up with those boys. I didn’t want to do it at first,” she explains. “She was convinced that each of them would like one of us, but that wasn’t how it worked.”
“They didn’t like you guys?” I ask, urging her to expand.
“All three of them were only talking to me,” Gwen whispers softly, like she feels guilty.
“Did that make Mae upset?” She has still been going to the Callaghan’s house every day after school, so I can’t imagine it caused a large bridge between them.
“Not at me.” Gwen pauses. “But the boys asked me to go with them, and when I said no, they got mad.”
“What happened when they got mad?” I unbuckle my seatbelt so I can turn more toward her.
“One of them grabbed me by the wrist, thinking I would still go with them.” Her eyes are welling, like she didn’t really want to tell me but felt like she should. “I said I wouldn’t go, so they left us there.”
