Page 135 of To Love or to Lose
I place one of my hands on her cheek, wiping her tears with my thumb. “Did they hurt you?”
“No.” She shakes her head quickly. “Mae just got upset, which made all of us cry. Plus, I realized after they left that we should have never agreed to meet up with them. It was really, really stupid.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “But there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes as long as no one got hurt; it just means you’ll learn from it.”
“I think Mae just wants someone to notice her.” Gwen tells me. “She’s so worried everyone is forgetting about her.”
All I can do is nod at her confession. I knew Mae has been feeling left out recently, considering Logan and the rest of us aremuch older and don’t have as much in common with the younger girls anymore, but I had no idea she would go to these extremes to feel included.
I’m about to ask another question when I hear the warning bell from inside the middle school ring. “Oh shit, you gotta go, Gwen.”
She gets out of the car, running toward the door, and I back out of the parking spot to start driving toward the high school.I let out a long sigh, putting my seat belt back on as I use my knee to steer.
It’s already been a rough morning, but I have a feeling it’s going to be an even rougher day.
Stepping into Fairwood High knowing that Jameson is not here sends a pang through my chest—one I never thought I’d feel.
It doesn’t feel right, walking through the halls knowing I’m technically classified as Valedictorian. I have no one to compete against anymore, and the thought makes tears fill the back of my eyes.
Jameson’s spot was supposed to be next to me, walking in the halls, as Valedictorian, and now it’s not. His spot next to me in my life has been vacated, and it feelswrong.
Winnie and Eloise are the first people I notice in the halls. They’re standing by our lockers, and they both notice me immediately.
“I’m fine.” I tell them as I approach. I can see the looks in their eyes, and the two of them don’t wear the look of sympathyoften. Especially for me. “Stop looking at me like my dog died or something. I’m not some situation that you need to handle.”
“Have you looked in the mirror this morning?” Eloise asks, making Winnie elbow her in the side. “No offense, Gen, but you look like your dog died.”
“She’s lying.” Winnie tries to amend.
“No, she’s not.” I hear Logan’s voice from behind me before he wraps his arm around my shoulder in a hug. “I’m sorry, Gen,” he says like he knows how upset I must be.
“Stop it.” I shrug him away, my eyes burning. “You’re making this a bigger deal than it is. He was never going to stay, I knew that.”
“We all knew he wasn’t going to stay, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset because he left unexpectedly.” His voice is sincere, almost like he has the same rock in his stomach as I do.
“I will not wallow,” I snap.
Luke walks up behind Eloise, pushing her into the center of our circle right as she goes to say something. “How about I fly to London and beat Jameson’s ass?”
Eloise turns around. “I’m going to beat yourass if you push me one more time.”
I can’t keep hearing them talk about Jameson like this. As if he tried to hurt me. Because he didn’t.
He left because it was what was best for him, and while it hurt me in the process, I truly don’t think he thought that far through his decision to leave.
I wish I would have known sooner, maybe to prepare a farewell speech, or so we could have dinner together one more time.The idea of Jameson and I having some type of drawn-out goodbye causes tears to fill my eyes, and to my horror, that’s when everyone locks their eyes on me.
“Gen—” Logan tries to say.
“I just need to go home.” I take in a deep breath, trying to regulate my thoughts while everyone stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind.
“You haven’t missed a day of school since you had pneumonia last year,” Winnie says.
At this moment, I don’t care about my perfect attendance. All I know is that I won’t get through the day like this. And yes, maybe I’m having an emotional breakdown, but I’m too in my head to care.
“Well, what better of a day to break my streak than the day after I finally win Valedictorian.” The words sound wrong as they leave my mouth.
Every other day of the year, I have come to school with one goal, and that was to win. But now, that goal doesn’t matter because I’ve won.
