Page 136 of To Love or to Lose
It shouldn’t have been this easy for me to win, but I did, because Jameson’s gone.
I don’t stay to listen to any of my friends’ rebuttals before I’m walking back toward the stairs and out the front door of Fairwood High.
I knew today would be rough. What I didn’t realize until I walked into school was I didn’t want to know what it felt like to be there with Jameson no longer there.
Most importantly, I conclude that I would rather winwithhim a thousand times than win without him once.
Yet, if it took Jameson leaving for me to figure that out, then maybe I don’t want to win at all.
Wallowing in self-pity is something I rarely partake in , but lying under the covers of my bed hours after I got home from ditching school is all I’m allowing myself to indulge in.
I fight the tears fogging my eyes as I squeeze my phone in the palm of my hand. I’ve been debating whether to call Jameson—to beg him to come back, to stay this time.
But I refuse to be the girl who misses a boy who will never miss her back.
Yet here I am, laying in my bed, wishing Jameson Beaumont wasn’t imprinted on my heart—the metaphorical one, at least. Wondering if he’s feeling the same way.
I keep flipping through the channels on the TV, trying to find something—anything—to distract myself from the reality of the only person I’ve ever had a true competition with leaving.
I should have known this was going to happen. It was inevitable Jameson was going to leave. What wasn’t expected is that I didn’t hate him when he did. Jameson’s time in Fairwood was borrowed, it was never meant to last. He was always supposed to leave.
Maybe that’s what hurts the worst, knowing he was never destined to stay.
Jameson’s metaphorical heart was never going to have room for me.
“Genevieve?” I hear my mother’s voice from outside of my room. “Your friends are here with dinner.”
“Hey, Gen,” Eloise says through the door. “Is it okay if we come in?”
I sit up in bed, wiping my face to make sure I don’t look like a total wreck before quietly responding, “Yeah.”
The door opens, revealing Eloise, Winnie, Luke, and Logan. Eloise is holding paper bags from the diner, which are no doubt filled with all types of junk foods, and Logan is holding a drink carrier with five cups in it.
“You guys can come in, you know,” I say after none of them attempt to move from the hallway. “I’m okay, I think I just need time to process.”
Before I can say anything else, all four of them are sitting on my bed, surrounding me. Winnie claps her hands and says, “Okay, let’s eat.” She sounds like she’s trying to be enthusiastic but falls short.
All four of them reach for their food, and for a moment, I get a flash of what my life used to look like.Before Jameson got here, before I thought I was losing my title of Valedictorian.
Before I fell in love with him.
“I’m sure he’ll be back,” Logan says quietly. “I don’t think he really wanted to leave anyway.”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter.”
“You don’t have to say that, Gen.” Luke places a hand on my knee. “We know you miss him; you don’t have to pretend there was nothing going on between you two before he left.”
They’re our best friends, of course they figured out something was going on between us.
“We need to find something else to talk about,” I say, grabbing a handful of fries.
Normally, I would not be caught dead eating food within the confines of my bed, but today calls for a bit of rule bending.
“You’re right.” Eloise nods strongly. “Fuck Jameson Beaumont!” She cheers, taking a bite of her burger.
I wince. “I meant something else entirely.”
“Why don’t we talk about the girl Luke was with during the ski-trip?” Logan grins, like he knows something that we don’t.
