Page 14 of To Love or to Lose
This morning, she thought I looked sick, and now like I’ve seen a ghost. Leave it to Eloise to be as honest as possible.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
We both know it’s a lie, but I’m glad Eloise knows not to push me further on the subject.
I wipe my hands down the fabric of my skirt, hoping to get rid of some of the sweat that has accumulated on my palms.
We find Winnie waiting for us in the hallway, and her face crooks with confusion when she sees the look on mine.
“Everything alright, Evie?”
I run my hands through my hair, giving her a look that says ‘I-really don’t-want-to-talk-about-this-now.’
She takes the hint and rests a hand on my shoulder momentarily. “We can talk about this later. Right now, I have ballet.”
“We can walk you there,” Eloise says, “We’re going to AP Gov, so it’s on our way.”
I don’t make conversation as we walk. I nod along, sometimes humming in amusement, mostly because of the familiar feeling that I’m suffocating—the walls closing in around me is the only thing I can focus on.
My mind is transported back to the last time this happened, and all of the calm within me is covered with a torrent of emotions, like an avalanche burying the landscape of my brain.
“I need to go to the bathroom,” I tell Eloise and Winnie in a strained voice, turning abruptly into the entrance of the restroom.
“Evie,” I hear Winnie’s voice as I approach the sink.
“Jesus fucking Christ. A little warning next time?” Eloise falls into the bathroom. “It’s awarzoneoutside of this door.”
Eloise and Winnie continue talking, but I don’t hear a word of what they’re saying. I feel as though I am underwater.
I splash some water on my face, attempting to ease my mind, and the redness that has covered my face through my fury.
“Is this the Brandon situation all over again?” Eloise asks.
My entire body tenses at the mention ofThe Brandon Situation.“No,” I say quickly, making the bathroom go silent as I turn the sink off.
After a few minutes, I look up at the clock above the sinks; we have two minutes until our next class. I grab a paper towel, wiping my face before looking back toward Winnie and Eloise, who have been stunned into silence at my outbreak.
“Okay, let’s go.” I try to smile as I throw away the dirtied paper towels, but it’s no use.
This day has officially gone to shit.
“You have to befuckingkidding me,” I say to no one in particular as Winnie and I enter our third class of the day.
“What?” She asks.
Jameson Beaumont is standing directly in front of us.
“Please don’t tell me he’s in this class.”
“I’m assuming so,” Winnie replies, placing her bag at the desk behind mine, “I’m also assuming that you do not want to talk to him, and if that’s the case, I would prepare yourself because it looks like he’s walking this way.”
I sit in my seat, frozen, trying my best not to show any type of external reaction. Internally, I’m willing the floor to swallow me whole before he gets anywhere near me.That's something Winnie would say.
“Oh, he issohot, Evie,” Winnie whispers, sitting forward in her chair.
It's no secret that Jameson is the hottest guy in the room. He definitely pulls off the Fairwood uniform quite well, but I would never admit that out loud.
“Donottalk about him like that,” I grit through my teeth. “He doesn't deserve your praise.”
