Page 47 of To Love or to Lose
Suddenly, everything feels so unbelievably unfair, and maybe that’s because I am finally in Genevieve’s position.
Anger toward oneself often boils down to the want of perfection.Anger toward others, on the other hand, can be attributed to the irritation when someone does not reach the same level of perfection.
We all want what we can’t have, but why is that?
I know exactly why.
I want it now so she can’t have it.
My biggest enemy, my biggest rival. She is the person who encompasses all the resentment I have toward myself as soon as I stumble.
Whenever I get a question wrong, or any time I start to believe that I finally have her beat, she comes out of the gate swinging. Like a lion in a den, fighting for her life. And the worst part is I can’t blame her because I have become the exact same way.
Maybe if I had studied harder than her or made more of an effort to propagate my worth in my mind—make myself believe I could defeat her—then maybe, I would be unstoppable.
But I guess we’ll never know because, at this moment, Genevieve has made it blatantly obvious that I am losing.
November
Chapter Thirteen
196 days until graduation
Meet in the Margins is my favorite bookstore in Fairwood, and while that doesn’t say much considering how small the town of Fairwood is, it doesn’t remove the sentiment.
It’s a rainy Friday night, and the sun has already set by the time I walk in the bookstore at almost nine o’clock. This is the best time to come here. The entire front wall is made up of windows that give the perfect view of the rain and street lights outside.
Meet in the Margins not only functions as a bookstore but also as a cafe that stays open almost all night long. It is the perfect place to find all the necessities needed for a long study night.
Since freshman year, I have come to Meet in the Margins at least once a week, but I knew of the bookstore long before then. It may even be my favorite spot in all of Connecticut.
I do homework here all the time. It’s peaceful, and I enjoy escaping somewhere that few people I know will frequent.
Mrs. Stevens, the bookstore owner, knows me by name. She even remembers my preferences based on past books I have bought, making her a stellar recommender.
“Good evening, Gen,” she greets when I walk in the door.
“Hi, Mrs. Stephens.” I smile, taking in the familiarity.
The vines and plants hanging from the ceiling with yellow fairy lights woven in between make the place feel cozy. The lights are dim where tables scatter the area of the first floor nearest the cafe. Most of the lighting is on the second level where all the main bookshelves are located.
“Anything I can help you find?” Mrs. Stevens is upstairs on the second floor, shelving books—none of which I’ve seen before.
“Not right now, I’m coming in to finish my applications. I might pick out something on my way out, though,” I tell her, hopping up the two steps that lead to the raised level of the store, where the tables are. “What are you stocking?”
“We got a new shipment of these gorgeous babies.” She holds up a stack of about ten books, all with different colored cartoon covers, probably rom-coms. “I’m sure your friend wouldlovethese.”Winnie.
She loves romance novels and comes here often, either alone or with me. Sometimes, we sit at a table and do homework together while drinking coffee, other times we silently read.
“I’m sure she will,” I tell Mrs. Stevenson when I take a seat at my usual table. “I think she was already planning on stopping by sometime this week for the newest book in the series she’s been reading.”
“I figured.” Mrs. Stephens smiles. “You let her know that I have one saved in the back for her.”
I nod. “I will let her know the next time I see her.”
I love that Winnie loves romance novels. Even though I can’t indulge in the idea of falling in love like characters do in books, I still enjoy them, and I love watching Winnie get all giddy and excited about the cute plots.
Winnie has always been more of a hopeless romantic, while I am not a romantic at all. Her and Eloise get along that way; they are both keen on expressing their love of love. Eloise might be a little more realistic than Winnie however, and not as hopeless.
