Page 63 of To Love or to Lose
“Fine,” she sighs. “But we will celebrate properly soon.”
“Looking forward to it.” I smile.
That’s when I lock eyes with Jameson, and although all our friends are standing between him and I, it makes me feel like there is nothing separating us.
I break eye contact. This is not the time to be dissecting every interaction Jameson and I have, or about the fact that I got into Columbia. Tonight is about Winnie.
The sound of everyone’s laughter breaks through my thoughts. It’s times like these where I feel the best: seeing everyone this content, surrounded by the people closest to us, so elated to be alive.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Winnie, happy birthday to you!” The room goes dark as the glowing candles are blown out.
Winnie puts an arm around Logan and I as we stand on either side of her, and she reaches further over me to grab Eloise’s shoulder. “I love you guys.”
She’s teary eyed, looking around at the room full of people. None of them strangers, all of them people who care about her.
“We love you too,” I say fondly, partly because I sense the need to return her sentiment, but more importantly because it’s true.
I love these three people enough to feel it crushing my senses.
And I feel it. I feel it every day, running through the deepest parts of my being.
Chapter Seventeen
147 days until graduation
“I’m glad it got there, even if it’s a few days late.”
I pick the phone up off my bed, taking it off speaker. “Me too, Mom. Thank you.”
“I miss you, James.” She sounds like she’s on the verge of tears, and it pulls at my heart.
While I was never the closest with my mom, there is still a type of adoration I carry whenever I talk to her, and it’s odd not being with her during this time of year.
And yet, she still doesn’t know that I hate being called James.
“I miss you too, Mom,” I say.
“Are you ready to come home yet?” she asks.
I know she hopes that one of these days I will want to live with her in Italy, but I can’t. I sigh, sitting on the edge of my bed. “We’ve talked about this, Mom.”
Mom’s lifestyle is not for me; it’s too chaotic and unstructured. Italy is her permanent getaway from adulthood and motherhood. I can’t ruin that for her simply because I’m incapable of being as carefree as her.
“I know.” Her voice mirrors mine. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I’m about to say more, but I’m interrupted by knocking on my bedroom door. “I have to go, Mom. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Talk to you later, James,” she replies, her voice cracking.
“Bye,” I tell her, hanging up the phone and standing from my bed.
I open my door to find Logan and Winnifred standing in the hall. I notice they're both wearing snow pants and winter coats.
“Want to come sledding with us?” Winnifred asks with a smile.
“Um, I don’t have any snow gear,” I tell them.It doesn’t snow often in London, and when it does, it’s not mass amounts like it is here in Connecticut.
“I have extra snow pants downstairs,” Logan resolves.
