Page 80 of To Love or to Lose
I’ve met Val’s mom on a multitude of occasions, and she’s a saint. To me, at least.
Val doesn’t have quite the same opinion as I do. “It’s been a few weeks, but yeah. Last I checked, she’s doing fine. She’s still not up for visitors and doesn't really like talking on the phone for too long because it hurts her head.”
“You don’t have to pretend you don’t have feelings about it, Val.”
I am quick to realize I shouldn’t have said anything.
Six months ago, Valerie’s mother was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer and has been in and out of the hospital for the past few months.
She nods, but I know she’s fighting herself. “I wish there was more I could do.”
“Val, you’re pouring your entire life savings into getting her the best medical care possible. There’s nothing more you could be doing if she doesn’t want you to.”
“I know she’s not forbidding me from seeing her because she doesn’t want me there.” She scrubs her hands down her face. “She’s doing it because she thinksIdon’t want to be there.”
That was true. I had heard Valerie’s mom say countless times over the phone“Honey, you don’t want to see me like this. Let’s just wait until I’m better. Then, you can visit all you want.”
“It just sucks,” Valerie sighs. She doesn't want to show emotion, but she’s a sensitive girl who can’t help it. I don’t blame her; I have no idea where my head would be if I were in her shoes.
“I know it does.” I don’t, actually, but that’s what people say when they don’t quite know how to console someone they love. “I mean, I can only imagine how much it sucks.”
“She’s my mother, and she claims she doesn’t want me to see her.” Her eyes are welling even faster as I push the TV tray out from between us, making pieces of the chessboard go flying all over the carpet. We’re both too distracted to care.
“You know how she is. She doesn’t want to see you until she’s at her best.”
“Well, what if her ‘best’is dead?” She uses hand quotations, then lays her arms at her side.
“Valerie.” I can’t do anything but sigh.
It is true that I have no idea exactly what she is feeling; I have already been open about that. But I have never eventhought about the possibility of Valerie’s mother dying.So, I couldn’t help but question how Valerie ever could.
“Isn’t that awful? That I’m even thinking of that possibility?” Tears are freely falling down her pale cheeks.
I’ve never been in a situation like this.What is the proper etiquette of consoling someone who is crying over their sick mother?
I have no idea. I’m working entirely off instinct that I did not know I possessed. I have never been a hugger, or a huge fan of physical affection at all, but the only instinct I can think of is to reach across the bed and wrap my arms around her shoulders.
She falls forward, and my immediate reaction is to pull back.Nope, this happens when people hug,I remind myself.
She retracts almost as quickly as she fell into the embrace, wiping her tears away quickly and taking a breath. “Sorry, sorry.”
“Shut up.” I want to laugh, but can’t, even when Valerie’s face portrays the slightest glimpse of a smile. “You know how much I care about you.”
She nods, and it’s almost like a switch flips. She’s suddenly washing any sign of sadness off her face, sitting up straight, and looking as fierce as ever.
“Okay, let’s change the topic.” She claps her hands together, smiling.
“To what?”
“How about a certain someone you happen to be competing against?”God, no. God, please no.
“How do you know about Jameson?” This sounds like the start of an unpleasant conversation.
“Oh, I’ve heard all about it from Eloise and Winnie. I just need more details in order to confirm my timeline.” She presses her palms together in front of her before setting them down in her lap as she crosses her legs.
“What do you mean by‘timeline?’”
She shrugs, already looking guilty. “I’m just mapping out my predictions of when you guys will “Oh, I don’t know…” She trails off before gushing out, “Get married, have kids?”
