Page 9 of To Love or to Lose
“I don’t think it is. I think you find the English boy attractive.”
“And I think you’re digging.” I sigh, already annoyed with where this conversation is heading. “I wouldn’t notice if the English boy is attractive because it doesn’t matter to me anyway.”
I notice his appeal, but I’m being truthful when I say it means nothing.
“Right.” Eloise rolls her eyes. “Because you are just so worried about holding onto your idea that love doesn’t exist.”
She dives back under the water, and Winnie is shooting me a knowing look.
She thinks Eloise is right.
And deep down, maybe I do too.
Chapter Three
262 days until graduation
The halls of Fairwood Prep have never smelled so stale.
It’s not necessarily aterriblesmell, just something I haven’t noticed until now.
It’s my first day of senior year, and only now am I noticing this old building smells exactly how I imagine it to have smelled in 1980. I assume it’s a sign I’ve spent too much time with my head down; studying as I walk through the halls or reading a textbook in the library.
I’ve never taken the time to look at my surroundings, let alone to breathe in the air and knowingly let it infiltrate my system.
Maybe that’s my problem.
I’ve spent so much time trying not to notice anything, and now that I’ve taken off the rose-colored glasses, I’m noticing everything.
Instead of counting the tiles on the floor, I’m taking notice of every person who passes by me. Most are people I don’t remember, but even the familiar faces feel clouded.
As if something changed between last school year and this one, like it’s become apparent how little I know the people of my school. Even being class president, I still feel as if I know no one.
Sometimes I find it concerning how my brain has such a large capacity for everything but people.
The rush of people passing by me in the hallway forces me out of my thoughts. I pull down my skirt as I ascend the stairs to the second floor, where my locker is located, along with Eloise and Winnie’s.
Everyone loitering in the halls is in uniform. The girls wear plaid, pleated skirts with polo shirts or modal cardigans, along with whatever shoes we decide on. The boys coordinate with their white button-up shirts, navy slacks, and blazers.
The boys are supposed to wear ties, but most don’t fasten them properly to their collar, opting to let them hang loosely around their necks.
Logan, in particular, is keen on this fashion defiance. He has always made it abundantly clear how much he hates ties.
Eloise and Winnie had been texting all morning, wondering if this would be the year the school finally gives us “dress-down” days, where we are not required to be in uniform.
In the past twelve years of going to this school, they’ve never allowed it, not once.
Of course, that hasn’t stopped Eloise from trying, being the serial rule-breaker she is.
I make it to the second floor, which is a circular hallway with a large cutout in the floor with a railing circling all the way around, allowing me to see the floors below.
The aura is different on this floor, where all the seniors reside. It’s as if we all recently became aware that this is the beginning of the end.
There are friend groups leaning against lockers, teachers making their rounds, saying hello, and people hanging posters advertising the upcoming dance.
HOMECOMING: OCTOBER 15TH, 2022
I’ve never noticed these things before. Then again, I didn’t need to.
