Page 29 of Hypothetical Heart
“What?” she asks, looking confused.
“I’m glad you didn’t choose another guy to dance with you.” Her face softens and my confession.
“I thought you hated dancing?” She smirks, bumping shoulders with me.
“Oh, I do.” I nod. “But I would hate watching you do this with some other douchebag more.”
Winnie has always been my girl, and not because I staked a claim on her or scared every other guy off, it’s just common knowledge.
“Other douchebag?” she asks, looking appalled. “Logan, you’re not a douchebag.”
“Thanks, Win, I try not to be.” I laugh.
She steps further into the entryway like she’s planning on staying longer. Secretly, I’m hoping she does.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, of course.” I step out of the way, giving her room to move out of the way of the door so I can shut it.
She looks worried for a moment, and then forces her gaze down at her feet, twiddling with her hands as she thinks about what to say.
My brow furrows. “What is it, Win?”
She sucks in a breath, and on its release she blurts, “Do you know what went wrong?”
My stomach drops. She could be talking about anything, but the way she’s looking at me now tells me everything I need to know. I’ve always been able to readWinnie like a book, and right now, part of me wishes I couldn’t.
We haven’t talked about what happened when we were fifteen since it ended. I wasn’t sure either of us would ever broach the topic again.
“I ask myself that question every day, Win,” I say. “And honestly, I have no idea.”
“It was my fault,” she replies, sucking in a long breath. “I should have never gone on that date. I used it as a way to get your attention, and that should have never been my goal.”
“You think I care about that?” I almost laugh, fighting the urge to reach out and touch her. My whole body is screaming at me to offer her some type of comfort, but I know it’s not the right time.
“Winnie, whether you were trying to get my attention or not, you already had it. You’ve always had it.”
“That was different. I did it on purpose to see if you would do anything, and then it was my fault it ended badly.” The guilt crossing her face makes my eyes burn.
“There’s nothing you could have done about the situation, Winnie. You were right, it wasn’t the best time, and I was upset, but looking back at it, I agree.”
A tear drips down her cheek, and I give in to touching her, reaching forward and using the pad of my thumb to wipe it away. “Then when will the right time be?” she asks, her voice cracking.
I’m stunned, like the feeling of ice water being dumped over me, type stunned. When Winnie ended things between us, I never thought there would be a second chance. I thought I was going to live the rest of my life with Winnie being my best friend and nothing more, because although I’ve allowed myself to fantasize about Winnie and me, I’ve also conditioned myself to pretend to be okay with that.
The fact that she sees a possibility in us fills me with a newfound joy. “Whenever we want, Win.”
“I don’t want to ruin anything,” she says. Her body is tense and locked up tight.
“Winnie,” I sigh, trying to get my point across. “My entire life has been centered around waiting for the right time to love you.”
There’s never been a wrong time to love Winnie—it’s always come naturally to me—but there is a right time for us to act on that love further than friends, and that’s the tightrope we’re currently walking.
“I’m sorry.” She tips her head back, and I watch her throat bob when she swallows. “I’m making this difficult.”
“No, you’re not.” I grab her hand. “This is real life. It doesn’t always go perfectly, and that’s not a problem for me.” I need her to understand that I’m not trying to force something before both of us are prepared.
“Logan,” she whispers. “I’m not ready for this to end.” She motions between the two of us, and it feels like a double-edged sword is stabbing us both in the heart. Not only am I watching her tear herself apart, but I’m also trying not to let it break me, too.
