Page 30 of Hypothetical Heart
“Nothing is going to end.” There’s not a day I don’t think about a life with Winnie, and whether that’s as her friend or something more, I know she’s going to be a part of it forever.
“But what if we ruin our friendship?” she asks.
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means starting something even better with you,” I tell her.
“You’re not worried about this?” The only thing I’m worried about is her apprehension surrounding this.
“No, I’m not. Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it, you know that.”
Her look of relief gives me room to take a breath and inhale the moment. It feels like the freshest type of oxygen, the feeling of Winnie letting me love her.
“I need time,” she replies cautiously. “The anniversary of my mom’s death isn’t far from now, and it’s something I haven’t fully gotten over. But I’m going to talk to someone about it. I have an appointment with my therapist next week, so maybe that will help.” I squeeze her hand tighter.
“Take the time you need.” I know how the death of Winnie’s mom affected her. It was sudden. One day, she was here and the next she wasn’t. That isn’t something anyone can grow to be okay with. “I’ve waited eighteen years already, Winnie. A little longer won’t kill me.”
“You’re sure?” she asks, rocking back on her heels, looking uncertain.
“Of course I am.” It’s a no-brainer. Having the opportunity for Winnie to be mine is all I’ve ever wanted, and whatever I need to do to make that easier for her, I’ll do.
“I’m sorry if this isn’t how you imagined this happening,” she says.
“Winnie.” I grip her chin, forcing her head up so her eyes meet mine. “I’ve never imagined the path, only the ending. However it happens, I’ll only be happy that it did.”
She closes her eyes, nodding. “Me too.”
It’s the ending both of us have imagined, one we never knew was possible. Now, we’ve broken down that wall, and the only thing stopping us is us.
9
MARCH
“Where is Winnie?” I ask, noticing Genevieve and Eloise standing in the hallway without her.
“Do you not know what day it is?” Eloise counters.
“Am I supposed to?” I look down at the date on my phone and as soon as I see it, my stomach drops. “Holy shit.” How could I have forgotten this? Maybe because I’ve spent the past three years trying to forget, trying to find some way to grieve. God, I feel like an asshole.
March 6th, the anniversary of Winnie’s mom’s death.
“Yeah,” Genevieve sighs. “It’s going to be a rough day.”
“I can’t believe I forgot. My mom was just talking about Susan last night.”
“It’s hard to think about,” Genevieve says. “No one’s blaming you.”
It’s hard to believe it’s been three years since one of the worst days of all our lives.
There’s a part of me that will never forget the feeling of my heart sinking through my stomach when my mom came bursting through the front door, sobbing while she fell toher knees, trying to get out the words as my dad continually asked her what had happened.
Finally, she said the words that would forever change all our lives,“She’s dead. My best friend is dead.”
At that moment, I knew. I knew exactly who had died, and I knew how drastically it would alter all of our lives.
“I need to go to Winnie's house,” I say. I know that she needs someone right now.
“That’s a good idea,” Genevieve replies. “I’m going to get all of her work from her teachers and make sure she doesn’t get too far behind.” She turns to head in the opposite direction, but I catch her arm.
“Gen, you should make sure your mom is okay.” Her mom was close to Susan too, and while she may have barely been back in the country long enough to attend her funeral, she and Susan still grew up together.
