Page 31 of Hypothetical Heart
“She’s been keeping herself busy all week. I don’t think she really wants to talk about it,” she sighs.
“How are you?”
“I’ve been better.” She looks down at the ground, her hands fiddling with her skirt. “Susan was amazing, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully comprehend the abruptness of her death. Every year, it’s just hard for me to understand, of all people, why her?”
“There is no reason, Gen.” I shut my eyes, letting out a deep breath. “There is absolutely no fucking way to describe why Susan died, and that’s thehardest part.”
Unexpected events have never been a favorite of mine.
I like to be in the know. I don’t like surprises or anything that could throw my plans off balance.
Some people–like Eloise–find comfort in the unknown or the adrenaline that comes with surprises, but not me. It makes me feel uneasy when I don’t know exactly what is happening and when.
And this feeling is no different when it comes to the death of my mom.
Everything about it has been hard, between finding out, watching my dad plan her funeral, and everything in between. But the worst part was how unexpected it was.
My mom didn’t have cancer, she wasn’t terminally ill. She wasn’t reckless either. She didn’t go out of her way to put herself in any type of danger.
Susan Carter was happy and content with life, and just trying to drive home from work when she was hit head-on by a too-tired truck driver.
And just like that, two kids lost their mom, a husband lost his wife, and the world feels a little quieter.
My life has been permanently changed, and there is nothing that can mend that feeling.
“Win?” I hear a knock on my bedroom door. It’s already dark outside and I haven’t even gotten out of bed.
There’s another knock before the door slowly starts opening.
“Logan,” I sigh when I see him. “You didn’t have to come over.”
I have a good feeling that he came over because my dad asked him to, considering how uncomfortable he looks.
“If you don’t want me here, I can leave.” He takes a stepinto the room. “But I have a feeling that you need someone right now, and I want to be that person.”
Tears are already welling in my eyes as I look at him. “You can come in.”
He sits on the edge of my bed, giving me a closer look at the worried look on his face and the bags under his eyes. I can tell he’s trying not to overstep, but still wants to show he’s here forme.
He’s so sweet, and it only reminds me of all the ways my mom loved Logan and all the reasons she wanted us to end up together.
“My mom has been a wreck,” he admits. “I can’t even imagine how this week has been for you.”
I sniffle, trying my best not to break down in front of him as he stares down at my comforter.
It is no doubt tough for all of my mom’s friends, but Wren was especially close to her. Hell, they built houses next door to each other.
So deep down, I know it’s hard for Logan as well.
“How are you doing?” I ask him, and when he looks up, his eyes are even more bloodshot.
“You cannot seriously be asking me that.” He laughs lightly, almost like he’s trying to hold back tears. “Win, this is your mom we’re talking about.”
“I’m not the only one who loves her.” I watch as a tear tracks down Logan’s face. “Her death is going to affect everyone who knew her.”
“Of course, her death affects me every day.” He pauses, taking a breath. “But I’m here foryou, Winnie, not me.”
“I just can’t help but wonder when this is going to get easier for me.” A tear rolls down my face, and Logan takes a seat on the edge of my bed. “I don’t even know what time itis, but I know it’s late enough to make it pathetic that I haven’t gotten out of bed.”
