Page 43 of Hypothetical Heart
“I had a guy from our Calculus class come up to me today asking if you had a prom date,” Genevieve says. “You cannot be that oblivious, Winnie.”
I roll my lips between my teeth. “I’ve never noticed guys taking any interest in me.”
“That’s because everyone has always thought Logan had already staked his claim on you,” Eloise groans. “Guys are only just now realizing that the two of you aren’t dating.”
“Why would people think Logan and I are dating?”
Genevieve puts her head in her hands, looking down at the table in disbelief. “Well, for starters, you went to homecoming with him.”
“Let alone the fact that you two have been attached at the hip since birth, and you went around our kindergarten class telling everyone he was your husband,” Eloise adds.
A stabbing pain works its way through my chest. “Maybe it’s for the better,” I say.
“What?” They both reel.
“In all honesty, I think I leaned into the rumors because I never really wanted a relationship, especially after my mom died.” I’m sure it’s something they could have picked up on, but I never admitted it out loud.
The year my mom died, I spiraled. I was seconds away from throwing away my beloved romance collection after seeing how torn up my dad was over her death. I didn’t believe love could end with something that wasn’t disheveled pain.
If it weren’t for Genevieve dragging the garbage bags back up from the end of the driveway, they would have gone to the dump.
“Winnie,” Genevieve sighs. “Your mom dying had nothing to do with how much you loved her.”
“It’s not about that.” I look up at the ceiling, trying to avoid the tears building in my eyes. “I saw what my dad went through when she died, how upset he was. I mean, the love of his life just died, and he still had two kids to take care of. Nothing can prepare you for that.”
“We all saw how difficult it was for him,” Genevieve says.
“How does anyone move on from that?” Tears finally fall, and Eloise hands me a napkin. “I can barely get over the factthat my mom died. I couldn’t even imagine having to move through the world without the person you planned your entire life around.”
“That’s not something you should be worried about. It’s not something anyone worries about until it happens,” Eloise tells me.
“I can’t ignore the fact that bad things happen to good people, and there’s nothing we can do about it. My dad loved my mom more than anyone in the world, and then one day, she justdied.” I shake my head. Usually, I don’t get angry about her death, but right now, I’m furious. “I can’t do that to someone I love, and I especially can’t have that happen to me. Not again.”
Genevieve grabs my hands, squeezing them tightly. “Winnie, what happened to your mom, as awful as it was, was a freak accident. There’s no controlling the way the universe works or who is in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Her statement hits me like a tidal wave, and my unfocused anger is washed away like writing in the sand. There’s no controlling the way the universe works or who is in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It doesn’t completely take away from my worry of me or Logan dying at the hands of unforeseeable events, but it’s the type of response I’ve needed ever since she died. It’s not the generic“She’s in heaven now.”Or“God knew she’d be a beautiful angel.”It was a response that actually made sense. Sometimes, the wrong thing happens to the wrong person.
I didn’t want my mom to be an angel or in heaven. I wanted her here, to be my mom.
But she just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and there’s nothing anyone can do to control that.
“Thank you,” I whisper, squeezing Genevieve’s hands again as a final tear rolls down my cheek.
“We’re always here for you, Winnie,” Genevieve says. “I don’t like knowing that you’ve been feeling like this for almost three years and kept it to yourself.”
“It wasn’t on purpose,” I tell her honestly. “I didn’t even realize the correlation between my mom and why I didn’t want to date until you brought it up.”
“Well, maybe now’s the perfect time for you to try to date, even if it’s not Logan,” Eloise suggests.
The idea almost makes me sick, considering I’ve never thought about any other guy romantically. But I’ve also been telling myself for years that, at some point, I’m going to have to move on.
“No, it has to be Logan,” I say. “I couldn’t even think about anyone else that way.”
“Okay, well, then you’re going to have to do something about it,” Genevieve says.
“I will, I will.”
