Page 62 of Hypothetical Heart
I do try again, only this time, the only thing I’m able tothink about is the time being displayed on the clock above the mirrors.
Five more minutes. Five more minutes.That’s the other mantra of my life.
“No more watching the clock.” Madame Bacri snaps her fingers in succession. “Fouettés, go.”
I sigh, straightening my shoulders and gearing up to try again.
And again, and again, and again.
Some days in ballet are like this: tough to the point where I fear I’ve hit a plateau and don’t have the ability to get any better. But I have to remind myself of all the other times I thought I would never get a new skill, and I did.
By the time the bell rings for me to head to my next class, I’ve done two good fouettés. Madame Bacri tells me I’ll try again tomorrow, and I leave.
“You look cheery,” Eloise says sarcastically as I approach her and Genevieve where they stand by my locker.
“I’m still fucking up,” I tell her, knowing there’s no use in pretending nothing is bothering me. The two of them know me too well.
“Woah.” I hear the voice from behind me. “Did you just breach the Winnie Carter Language Handbook?”
Logan throws his arm around my shoulder. I know it’s him because no one else would do this as casually as he does.
“This is not the time.” I smack his arm, forcing it to fall to his side. “My fouettés are still bad, and if I can’t perfect them in the next week, I’m probably going to be executed by Madame Bacri,” I sigh.
“I’m sure it won’t be long before you perfect them,” Genevieve says with a tone of so much finality I almost want to believe her.
There are very few things as calming as Genevieve Alderidge’s reassurance. She’s usually blunt and doesn’t bother to sugarcoat things, so for her to be as empathetic as she is right now says something.
“I know, I know.” I’m well aware of my tendencies to freak myself out and embellish things to make them seem like a bigger deal than they truly are.
“If they were that bad, Madame Bacri would be on you a lot more than she is now,” Logan adds.
“I need her to be on me. I’m never going to get any better if she tries to baby me.”
“Winnie, we all know the implications ballet can have on girls’ bodies. She can’t be overworking you,” Genevieve says.
“I’m not saying she needs to work me to death, but I need to work harder than I am right now if I ever want to make it professionally.”God, the idea of doing ballet for the rest of my life almost makes me sick.
“Take it easy, Win, you’ll get it. You always do, and everything ends up working out,” Logan says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks,” I sigh.
I’m going to be fine, and it’s not the end of the world if my fouettés aren’t the best that they could be, but sometimes it makes me wish I could be good enough at something else so I could quit ballet.
All of us—excluding Jameson—grew up yearning for something to separate our personalities from one another. Which led each person in our friend group to gravitate towards a different hobby, which then became our defining traits.
Mine is ballet. It is one of the only things that has beenable to occupy enough of my time to be considered something I’m good at.
Genevieve is known for her intelligence. Not only is she one of two valedictorians for our class, but she’s also class president and class officer president. She’s going to Columbia in the fall to be a lawyer, for God’s sake.
Jameson is the other valedictorian, and while he is a recent addition to our inner circle, he has made it obvious what he is good at, and that is adapting. He is good at making the best of every situation, and he is exactly the type of person our friend group needed.
Luke is amazing at football. He’s been scouted for D1 schools since our sophomore year, but beyond that, he loves cameras. He’s always taking pictures with his wide collection of vintage cameras, and he knows how to use them.
Eloise is an entertainer. She knows what to do to make people laugh and is just daring enough to make anything a good time. Her exuberance excites everyone around her.
And then there’s Logan, the people person. Mostly because people gravitate towards him and want to be friends with him, but also because he’s lovable. Any person who has ever had anything positive to say about Logan will tell you the same thing: people are allured to him because he’s happy, and it radiates from him,
Along with everyone else, that's the way I’ve always felt about Logan. Allured.
