Page 126 of Built to Fall
There it is. The most truth I’ve ever told them about the situation.
A beat of silence.
Then Meredith says, her voice thick, “Lina.”
“Don’t,” I cut her off gently, already knowing what’s coming. “I don’t need anyone to fix it. I just—I needed to say it out loud.”
They’re quiet again, but it feels different now. Not uncomfortable. Not fragile. Just full.
Of love. Of understanding. Of space being made.
Kara finally speaks, softer than I’ve ever heard her. “You know we would’ve set his house on fire if you’d told us.”
That pulls a laugh out of me. A real one.
“I know,” I murmur. “That’s part of why I didn’t.”
Eden’s eyes are glassy when I finally glance at her. “You’re allowed to want something good now.”
“Like orgasms,” Meredith adds quickly, lightening the tension.
“I still can’t believe this is happening,” Kara says. “I mean, Lina and Grant? Seriously?”
“I would like to put on the record that Meredith and I called it.” Eden’s smirk is glowing as she messes with the chain of her heart-shaped necklace. “We knew she’d have the hots for him from the moment he hung that painting in our apartment, didn’t we, Mer?”
Meredith’s quick to agree. “It was the forearm flex. Unbeatable.”
“Careful.” Kara nudges her at the red light. “Your boy toy is his quarterback.”
Eden adds, “And the way he looked at her, like she’d personally invented oxygen. I mean, come on. I’ve seen people look less impressed by the TajMahal.”
“Leave it to you to make an architecture reference right now,” Kara teases.
“I’m surprised you haven’t made your spiel about how orgasms produce dopamine,” Eden shoots back.
Kara smirks, leaning back in her seat like she’s about to deliver a lecture. “Actually, orgasms release a surge of dopamineandoxytocin, which are both directly tied to emotional bonding and long-term memory formation. So technically, if Grant pulls it off, you’re not just catching feelings—you’re also chemically imprinting on him like a baby duck.”
Meredith looks over at her like she’s lost her mind, but then traffic starts moving and her foot lets off the brake. “Baby ducks imprint?”
“On the first thing they see move after hatching,” I quickly explain, and when Meredith and Eden both give me awhat-the-fucklook, I add, “I saw it in a documentary once.”
“You and your goddamn documentaries,” Meredith groans, right as Kara says, “Exactly! Grant being your first orgasm is like a baby duck imprinting on the hotshot, king of the jungle lion.”
“Actually,lions aren’t the king of the jungle, contrary to popular belief. They actually tend to inhabit savannas, far removed from jungle-like forests.” Yetanotherfact I’ve picked up from some documentary I’ve seen.
“Whatever,” Meredith groans.
“Is there a documentary about the benefits of casual sex?” Eden asks. “I think it might do you some good.”
“No, but I bet if I sat here and started telling her all about the biological benefits of consistent orgasms, she’d start taking notes,” Kara says before listing off, “Lower cortisol levels, boosted immune system,improved REM sleep cycles,” she emphasizes.
“You insult my memory.” I roll my eyes, pressing a hand to my chest, pretending to be offended. “I don’t need to take notes.”
“Well, you need to dosomethingabout this situation,” Meredith quips, pulling back into the parking lot of our apartment complex.
“Yeah,”Eden quickly agrees, nodding her head frantically, “and I think we all know what the correct way to go about this is.”
I’ve been tiptoeing around something that’s already made itself clear. Something I’ve already chosen in a hundred small ways. The trust. The comfort. The fact that I haven’t let anyone touch me—not really—not since Gage.
