Page 128 of Built to Fall
I sit on the edge of my bed, my heart doing somersaults inside my chest. “I’m serious, you guys. This is either going to be the best decision of my life or the one that finally breaks me.”
My first semester back at Yale, I spent the entire time desperately trying to get myself back to normal life—where my mom didn’t die and my shitty boyfriend didn’t cheat on me.
I’m not going to pretend that having an orgasm is going to magically put my life back on track, but maybe it will give me the final push I need to separate myself from that dreadful day.
The one where I was mourning my mom, and even then, I wasn’t enough for him. So much so, he had to go and fuck my best friend.
Kara finally settles on a pair. They’re black and simple, with just the right amount of sheer. “These,” she declares, tossing them my way. “Hot, but not trying too hard.”
Eden nods approvingly, then turns to me. “Okay, now that the underwear crisis is resolved”—she looks toward me—“are you sure about this?”
I nod strongly, forgetting all the doubts I had before. “Yup.”
“Great! Get dressed!”
Kara tosses me a bra next, black lace to match the panties, and I catch it midair like we’ve rehearsed this before.
Eden flops back on the bed dramatically. “I hope you realize we’re all living vicariously through you right now.”
“Great,” I mutter, dropping my pants and changing into the thong. “So no pressure or anything.”
“I’m pretty sure Eden’s already lived it.” Kara laughs and then throws me the matching bra: a subtle black lace one.
It makes me pause in the middle of pulling my shirt over my head.
If I’m recalling correctly—which I know I am—Meredith said,“We all know Eden already jumped on that one,”during our conversation about Grant giving girls orgasms.
“You’ve seriously hooked up with Grant?” I ask, still holding the hem of my sweatshirt.
“I wouldn’t sayhooked up. It was one momentary lapse of judgement.”
“Fingers, mouth, or dick?” Meredith asks. Callous as ever.
All Eden does is flutter her fingers with a sly smile. She may be a sugarplum fairy descendant, but she's a full-breed Californian when it comes to talking about sex.
I laugh, taking my sweatshirt off the rest of the way and pulling on the bra Kara had handed me. “Great. Just great.”
“Hey, at least you know it’ll be good. A guy getting a girl off with his fingers is like him being able to fold a fitted sheet,” Meredith remarks.
I know Grant has a history, and it would be pure torture if I were to mull over every hookup he’s ever had. But that doesn’t stop the tinge of sickness I feel knowing it was with my best friend.
Rolling my eyes, I head toward the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. “Does this look alright?”
It’s not like Grant hasn’t seen me in my underwear before—practically everyone did the night of Halloween. Hell, I think he saw me in even less than that the same night.
This feels different. Like I need to be better prepared.
“Of course.” Eden nods.
Kara flops back on my bed, ruffling the duvet. “You look hot.” Meredith hums in agreement.
“Okay.” I give myself one last glance in the mirror before turning to head out of the room. “I’m going to go over there.”
“He is home, right?” Eden asks, almost as though she’s trying to save me from going over there and embarrassing myself.
Meredith holds up her phone. “He’s home, and Braxton’s coming over here after he grabs dinner. You’re in the clear.”
“Perfect. Thanks, guys.”
