Page 136 of Built to Fall
I hate it.
But Eden and Kara both seem to agree, and I figure it must be one of those moments where only girls know what each othertrulyneeds. So, reluctantly, I nod, my hands curling into fists at my sides, helpless as I watch Savannah slip away toward the bathroom door. I stand there, useless, replaying the look on Lina’s face over and over again, wishing like hell it were me going after her instead.
LINA
My brain feels claustrophobic when I push through the door of the stadium bathroom, pounding like it’s desperately trying to break free from the confines of my skull.
The door swings shut behind me. I’m shocked to find it completely empty while the noise from outside bounces off the tiled walls. I stumble to the sinks, gripping the cold porcelain as I try to catch my breath. The lights shining above me are expensive chandeliers, but they might as well be the worst quality in the world with the way my brain conjures themto be buzzing loudly. Too bright. Too harsh. They’re making everything around me feel sharp and unsteady.
Stupid.I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the image away—the one currently burning itself into the back of my mind. Grant smiling. Savannah’s lips brushing his cheek like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Maybe it is.
The floor feels like it’s tilting under me. I don’t even know why I’m reacting like this. It’s not like we’re anything. It’s not like he owes me anything.
And yet, the sting of it is unbearable.
Over the past few months, we’ve become friends. We talked. I told him the truth about all the ways my ex-boyfriend destroyed my view of sex, and he made me believe he wanted to understand it all. He helped me work through it.
I came to his game today. Carrying a messy, hopeful feeling like a secret folded in my pocket.
But then I saw her kiss him.
And suddenly, it felt like I’d been living in a false reality the whole time.
Of course she gets to touch him like that and not fall apart.
No matter how hard I try, there will always be someone else. Someone prettier. Someone easier. Someone he’d never have to work so hard to un-break.
People say jealousy is ugly, but this feels worse than that. It feels like abandonment I haven’t even earned yet.
The bathroom door creaks open again, and panic flashes through me. For a second, I think it’s Grant—that he came after me—and I’m not sure whether I want to see him or not.
But it’s Savannah.
Of course,it’s Savannah.
She steps inside. Confident and composed. The faintest trace of concern pulling at the corners of her mouth. Her platinumblonde hair gleams under the glow of the chandelier lights, and her boots click lightly against the tile as she walks toward me.
I stiffen, gripping the edge of the sink tighter.
“Lina,” she says gently, stopping a few feet away.
I don’t answer. I’m not sure I could if I tried. My throat feels like it’s been sewn shut.
For a second, we stand there, the distant echo of the crowd outside filling the silence.
She sighs, running a hand through her hair before speaking again. “Look, I get it. I saw your face out there.”
I stare down at the sink, willing myself to disappear. To melt into the tile. To beanywherebut here.
When Savannah’s outfit catches my attention in the reflection—and because I’m desperate for anything to make her believe I’m fine—I force a smile and say, “I like your pants.”
They’re jeans, covered with rhinestones, glittering under the light like they’re mocking me for thinking I could ever compete with someone like her.
Savannah’s mouth tips up at the corner. “Thanks,” she says, like she knows exactly what I’m doing but is too kind to call me out on it.
The silence stretches thin between us again, and I wonder if she’s going to leave—if I’m going to fall apart properly without an audience—but she stays.
