Page 149 of Built to Fall
Composed. Guarded. A little too bright around the edges, like she’s patched herself up with whatever scraps she could find. Like last night didn’t crack her open.
And it kills me.
Because I did that.
I grab my jacket and make it to her apartment in record time. I don’t knock—Savannah told me not to let her lead, and I know Lina. I know the way she folds inward when she’s unsure of her place. I can’t give her time to talk herself out of this.
The front door opens just as I’m halfway up the stairs.
She stops when she sees me.
Lina freezes, clutching a to-go cup in one hand and her keys in the other like a shield. Her hair’s damp from the snow, face flushed from the cold. She looks tired.
But she doesn’t back away.
“Hey,” she says, cautious.
“Hi.”
There's silence. One of those long, drawn-out ones that feels like the entire room is holding its breath.
“Before you say anything,” I start, “I just—I need you to let me go first.”
She nods slowly, jaw tightening.
I step closer, heart pounding in my ears. “You cried last night, and I still kissed you. I knew you weren’t doing it for you. I knew you were trying to fit into something that made sense forme, and that’s the part that’s haunted me all morning. I don’t want you to have to pretend this is a one-time thing when we both know you don’t want it to be.”
She opens her mouth, but I hold up a hand.
“I’m serious about you,” I say. The words fall out of me, sharp and certain. “I know I haven’t acted like it. I know I’ve donethe whole push-pull thing so many times you probably want to punch me in the throat—and I’ll let you, if you still want to once I finish—but I need you to know I’m done with that. I don’t want to live like that anymore.”
Her brows lift slightly. Her arms cross in front of her chest.
I keep going.
“I’ve been scared.Terrified, actually. Not of you, but of what it means to care so much about someone who could disappear. Of what it means to love someoneso muchthat the thought of losing them feels like losing oxygen. But I realized something today.”
She waits.
“I realized I’d rather have you, even with the risk, than not have you at all. I want the whole thing. All of it. Even the parts that scare me.”
For a split second, I feel that familiar panic creep in, like maybe I’m too late, like maybe she’s going to tell me that I missed my window.
But then Lina’s mouth quirks up.
“Did Savannah tell you to say all that?”
I laugh, relieved, because that’ssoher. Always cracking jokes, using that sarcastic wit of hers.
“She might’ve warned me not to screw it up,” I admit. “But everything else? All me.”
She steps forward then. Just one slow, deliberate step.
“You’re sure?” she asks, so quiet it nearly wrecks me.
“Lina, I’ve never wanted anything with anyone, but then you told me last night that sometimes we have to learn how to live with the fear and choose people who make it worth it.” I hold her by her shoulders, looking at her in all of her beauty. “Youare worth it.”
It barely takes a second for her to swing her arms around my shoulders, pull me down to her height, and crash her lips into mine.
