Page 205 of Built to Fall
And technically, he didn’t. Because this feelssomuch worse.
I’ve been sleeping in his bed every night while he lay next to me, knowing how he’d betrayed me.
The thought of just not bothering with Grant did cross my mind on my way back from the park. It sounded a lot easier to just block him, forget his number, and never speak to him again. It sounded cleaner. Easier. Like I could somehow rip out the infected part of my memory before it spread any further.
But I couldn’t.
Because even when he’s shattered my heart, I still love him.
And I know—God, I know—I need to do the thing I never did with Gage. I need to confront him in order to survive this. To look him in the eye and tell him just how deep he cut.
So I do. I take a breath, and I climb those four flights of stairs like I’m dragging the weight of everything he’s done behind me.
I knock on his door, prepared to make him feel as awful as I do. It’s my entire reason for coming here. Rain hellfire.
I knock. I wait. And when he opens the door, when I see his face—thatface, the one I used to love so freely—I realize something in me has already changed. I don’t even want to look at him. Not for a second longer than I have to.
Here I am, holding the unused key to his apartment, while he smiles at me as though nothing happened.
“Hey, pretty girl, why’d you knock? Was your key not working?” He takes a step forward when he notices I don’t make any advances to move into his apartment.
I hold the key out so he can grab it. “I won’t be needing this anymore. We’re done.”
His eyebrows furrow, like he hadn’t heard me correctly. “What do you meanwe’re done, Lina?” He doesn’t take the key either.
“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. Take your key, Grant.” I go to place the key in his palm for him, but before I can, his hand falls limp to his side.
“What are you talking about? I never said that I didn’t want to be with you.”
“But you showed it when you cheated on me.” I take a step away from the doorframe when he makes a move to grab my arm.
Grant freezes, eyes wide like I slapped him. His mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Then he exhales—sharp, broken—as if the weight of my words knocked the air out of him.
Please!I silently beg him.Tell me it’s not true. Tell me it’s all a lie. Tell me you meant it when you said you’d do anything for me.
You don’t have to doanything. Just this. Just let me believe you didn’t let me get in this position twice. That you didn’t make a complete fool out of me.
My breath trembles. I feel like I’m stuck in a block of cement. I don’t want to see Grant any longer, yet I can’t move.
It takes a minute for me to get my bearings, to realize I’m borderline hyperventilating. It must be Grant taking a step forward that finally makes me move. His eyes are wide with guilt, and his face is drawn with the devastation of knowing he broke something he can’t fix.
I just keep backing up. And backing up.
Grant keeps moving forward in swift motions, in the way an arrow would shoot from a bow, barreling straight toward my chest. “Lina?—”
I can feel my lungs start to constrict with the fear of not knowing what to do. I know that I have no power when it comes to him.
My heart’s racing. My head’s spinning. My lungs are tightening. And Iknowhe’s capable of talking me down from this. That he could convince me to stay if I gave him five more seconds. I’m too emotionally weak.
But I won’t.
Ican’t.
I don’t want that. I refuse to let my perseverance abandon me now. I continue backing up all the way until my back hits the wall opposite of the door.
He steps towards me again.
“Lina,” he sounds genuinely hurt, his face housing a guilty expression. “Let me explain.”
