Page 38 of Built to Fall
He snorts. “You sulk. Youbrood.There’s a difference.” He looks me dead in the face before adding, “And I’m sure she’s already figured that out with you coming to her rescue every chance you get.”
There’s a pause, long enough to feel loaded. Then Braxton sighs.
“Look, I get it. Your mom messed you up.”
My jaw clenches, locking the piece of stale gum between my teeth.
“Like,” he adds quickly, almost too casually, “we all know. You don’t talk about her or her death. You don’t even let peoplementionher without tensing up. But you can’t keep yourself locked up like this just because your mom dying fucked you up.”
The words hit sharper than anything Coach could ever scream. Because it’s the truth.
I don’t talk about my mom, or her death, because it digs up too much. It makes people realize exactly why I am the way that I am. It gives way too much context to all of the parts of me that came to light during that formative time of my life—the onewhere my mom suddenly died and I learned, in one unbearable breath, that I couldn’t stop bad things from happening.
It’s when it all got worse. The damage control. The tracking. The mental rehearsals of worst-case scenarios.
I wouldn’t dare try to put someone else through that day in and day out. There isn’t anything I could do or say to make someone love me while also forcing them to endure my neurotic tendencies.
Coach’s whistle cuts through the air again, cutting me loose from my thoughts. Everyone breaks, scattering like ants, but Braxton claps a hand on my shoulder before he goes.
“Figure your shit out, Vandy,” he says, almost kindly. “Before you ruin something that could actually mean something to you for once.”
I nod once, jaw tight.
And when I line up for the next drill, all I can think about is Lina.
CHAPTER TEN
LINA
“Did you see the new post onNotes of New Haven?” Eden asks as we enter the ice cream parlor on Chapel Street, the small bell above the door chiming cheerfully, entirely opposite from Eden’s tone.
Notes of New Havenis one of Yale’s most notorious gossip sites. It’s infamous for its anonymous tips, unhinged commentary, and terrifying ability to know secrets it shouldn’t.
There’s even a saying around campus:Notes of New Haven knows everything.
No one in our inner circle has been caught in the crossfire yet. The closest it’s gotten has been Braxton and Grant, but only because they’re on the football team, which is probably the only reason we are able to find it entertaining.
“Whose reputation has been torched now?” I groan sarcastically as I approach the counter, fighting another yawn.
Eden doesn’t say anything. She simply flips her phone around, giving me a view of the site’s homepage.
The huge, bold title reads:
SUPERMODEL KARA CARR AND BOYFRIEND JACK VOSS’S RELATIONSHIP ON THE ROCKS?
“Oh no.” I bite my lip, dread pooling in my stomach. I definitely spoke too soon, because this isn’t so entertaining anymore. “What did they say?”
Eden scrolls down and starts reading aloud, her voice lowering slightly despite the lack of anyone nearby. “Sources spotted Kara Carr storming out of Jack Voss’s off-campus apartment late Saturday night, wearing last night’s heels and none of yesterday’s makeup. Could this be the end for the supermodel and her supporting lead?”
I snatch the phone from her hand, eyes scanning the text for more. The article is dripping with speculation—Kara was crying, Jack didn’t follow her, a neighbor claimed they heard shouting. ClassicNotes of New Haven: all rumors, zero context. Yet, it somehow manages to almost always be true, or at least partially.
What I can tell by looking at the picture is that Kara isnotcrying, nor is Jack yelling at her. In fact, anyone who knows Kara would say it’s an obtuse assumption. She’s the last girl to cry over a guy. She simply doesn’t have it in her.
The article is clearly dramatized, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that Karaiswearing her heels from the night before, without an ounce of makeup on her face. And she and Jack are clearly fighting.
For us, it’s a pretty normal occurrence. For campus, though, it’s the juiciest gossip around.
“He was just at a party in the city with her,” Eden mutters. “There were pictures. They looked fine.”
