Page 49 of Built to Fall
“My teeth feel like they’re humming,” she says suddenly, looking around with a wide-eyed expression. “Why do my teeth feel like they’re humming?”
“You might still be in a postictal state, dear,” the medic tells her. “It happens a lot of the time after you’ve had a seizure. It’s not abnormal to feel confused and tired.”
Lina eases a bit at that, seeming to understand as she leans her head back against the gurney, tilting her head up and closing her eyes.
“I want my mom,” she whispers, a single tear tracking down her cheek. “I want my mom.”
My heart feels like it’s become lodged in my throat. I want to fix this for her—to take away the pain she’s feeling—but I feel entirely helpless.
“I’m sure we can call?—”
“No,” I cut the medic off. “She passed away.”
I only know because Braxton mentioned it. Lina never has, but now I can see why. She’s not over it, not even close.
The medic looks a bit taken back, pursing her lips as she continues looking over Lina. “Like I said, I’m sure she’s just confused because of the seizure right now, coupled with the fact that she hasn’t had much sleep.”
“Right.” I use my thumb to rub Lina’s falling tears away, smoothing it down her cheek and across her jaw.
She leans into my hand, and I know she’s likely seeking comfort from the closest source. I’m not dense. I don’t believe this is going to be some magical moment where a switch flips in Lina’s mind and she suddenly doesn’t have any reservations toward me. The only reason it’s me she’s leaning on is because, like the medic said, she’s tired and confused. Her nervous system is temporarily traumatized, grasping at straws.
I grit my teeth until they hurt while I look at her. I’m pissed at myself because I’ve known for weeks that she’s been running at obscure times, likely running on little to no sleep.
I’vewatchedas this girl ran herself into the ground. To the point where she passed out and had a seizure in my arms.
If that doesn’t trigger every fear I’ve been trying to get over for the last four years, I don’t know what will.
When I tilt my head down to look at the floor, I feel Lina shift to look at me.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, still choked up.
I give her a firm look. “Don’t apologize.”
“I did this.”
Yeah, she did.But was it on purpose? I doubt it.
And I won’t sit here and blame a girl for struggling. Not a day in my life.
“Nobody is going to blame you,” I tell her. “Especially not me.”
“We’re nearly at the hospital,” the medic tells me. “She’s going to be okay.”
I look at Lina again, and she’s still watching me. Her face is pale, damp with sweat and tears, but her gaze—God, her gaze is clear. Hollow and raw and terrified, but clear.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she whispers.
“You’re just tired,” I tell her, though we both know it’s more than that.
Her lips part like she wants to say something else, but the doors swing open behind us. A blast of cold air rushes in, and two nurses are suddenly reaching for the gurney.
“Evangelina, we’re going to wheel you into the ER now, okay? You’re in good hands.”
She doesn’t answer them. She just keeps looking at me like she’s afraid of what’s going to happen when I’m not with her.
The nurse looks between us, like she’s trying to read the situation. I wish her luck because even I have no clue what’s happening here.
“I’m coming,” I promise, already stepping out of the way so they can maneuver her out. “I’m not going anywhere.”
