Page 51 of Built to Fall
It’s the whole reason why, when I started feeling weird while I was running, I immediately went looking for him. Maybe I didn’t realize I was doing it. Normally my pride would be too strong.
But I knew something was going to happen to me—maybe not to the extent that it did, but still. I knew he would be waiting for me like he has been every day the past couple weeks. I knew he would know what to do, even if I didn’t.
Now, his arms are crossed against his chest, causing his biceps to flex against his Dri-FIT t-shirt, and his face is stern. He doesn’t look angry, just worried. Somehow, even with his furrowed eyebrows and narrowed eyes, he’s an overwhelmingly calm presence next to me.
A few minutes pass before a different nurse comes in. “Alright, I’m going to take you down for a CT now.”
I look toward Grant on instinct. I know he probably can’t come with me.
“I’ll stay here,” he says as the nurse approaches with a wheelchair.
She plants the chair next to my bed and puts the brakes on. Suddenly, a wave of dizziness rushes over me. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I had a seizure less than an hour ago or the overall exhaustion catching up with me, but I don’t trust myself to get in that chair.
The nurse waits a beat before stepping over, but right as she goes to offer me a hand, Grant steps around the bed and says, “I’ve got her.”
He picks me up in one fluid motion, transferring me into the wheelchair with the utmost ease. As he sets me down, he bends with me, making it so his head is practically resting on my shoulder.
“Thank you,” I whisper, barely audible.
All I see is the smile on the nurse's face as she wheels me out of the room. “He’s a sweet boy.”
“Yeah,” I easily agree. How could I not after everything he did for me tonight?
“How long have you two been together?”
My brain stalls, trying to think of an appropriate response. Of course, I know how this looks. Grant found me passed out. Called an ambulance. Rode to the hospital with me. Hasn’t left my side since.
“Oh, we’re not together,” is what I decide on.
I see her shake her head in the reflection of the elevator. “Could have fooled me. You would be crazy not to go for him.”
An awkward laugh bubbles in my throat.
“I’m serious,” she says. “Let me tell you, I’ve worked here a long time. I’ve learned how to spot the men who are here because they care, versus the ones who are here because theyfeel like it’s an obligation. And honey, he didn’t take his eyes off of you the entire time.”
“I’m sure he’s just worried,” I try to negate, but there’s really no use.
“Men don’t look at you like they’re scared you’ll disappear unless you mean something to them. So, be honest with me, what’s stopping you?”
I purse my lips. The real question is, whatisn’tstopping me?
“We’re barely friends,” I tell her. “I can admit that he’s sweet, and he finds value in doing the right thing, but I don’t necessarily think that has a direct connection to me.” That’s what I’ve always boiled it down to in my mind.
She whistles under her breath while she wheels me into the CT room. “If you say so.”
While I’m being prepped for my CT, I make a mental note to ask for a copy of it to show Kara. She’ll love it.
I’m also trying not to think about Grant the entire time. Turns out, that’s a lot harder to do when you’re trapped under a giant, whirling machine and alone with your thoughts for twenty minutes. I know what he did was beyond chivalrous, and it’s clear that he’s working to prove that he’s more than the guy I pegged him for in the elevator.
The nurse’s question is what consumes my thoughts.What’s stopping you?
Everything.Absolutely everything is stopping me.
And it’s not like there’s anythingtostop. Nothing has started between Grant and me. Nothing will.
I’m not an overthinker, though, and I refuse to become one while in the midst of having my brain scanned.
It’s just—how am I ever supposed to let someone get close to me when the only blueprint for a relationship I’ve ever had ruined me?
