Page 73 of Built to Fall
And I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if that happened to her. If she went down that path all because she’s exhausted and wants to get to sleep on her own.
So, yeah, this has something to do with her, but it also has everything to do with my own guilt.
Her brows cinch, clearly trying to make sense of my words. I can’t help it; I’m getting too close to her. Too much of her is pulling me in. But I’m not about to let her run herself into the ground.
“I’m serious, Lina,” I press. “Come back to mine. We don’t even have to go to the apartment. We can go to the house and get some sleep. You’ll feel better.”
She hesitates, her eyes narrowing slightly, still skeptical. “And what? You’re going to let me crash on your bed, no questions asked?”
“No questions,” I reply. “Just sleep.”
After a beat of scrutiny, she lets out a tortured breath. “Fine,” she relents before pointing a stern finger at me. “But I swear to God, if you try to make it weird?—”
“Not my style,” I promise. “Just sleep.”
“It’ll be easier to go to our apartment building from here.”
Her pace is slow because of how exhausted she is. It makes it easy for me to follow her. “Whatever you want. I have the same mattress and everything at the apartment, so it’s practically the same.”
We walk back to our apartment building in silence, and when we get inside, I lead her past her unit and into mine. She follows me all the way into my bedroom.
“You slept pretty damn good the last time you lay in my bed. That’s the point here.”
I need her to rest. For her own damn good and for my peace of mind. She gives me a sideways look, but I’m not in the mood to play games.
Lina is not my mom. Lina is not my mom.I have to keep repeating it like some kind of wacky mantra.
I open the bottom drawer of my nightstand, assuming she won’t want to sleep in her leggings and running jacket. I grab a random tank top and pair of shorts and hold them out to her. “Here. These will fit you.”
When I look back at her, her entire face is downturned in a cringe. “You’re seriously handing me some random girl you’ve fucked’s clothes?” She shivers at the idea, still holding the pajamas an arm’s length away. “On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t lie in your bed.I don’t want to be sleeping in the scent of some random girl all night.”
“Jesus. You’re so dramatic.”
“It’s disgusting!” she quickly defends.
“A. You’ve already slept in my bed. B?—”
She interjects quickly, “I was drunk! That doesn’t count.”So she’s said a million times.
“B,” I repeat, eyeing her, “I wash my sheets. A lot. I don’t want to be sleeping with the scent ofsome girlanymore than you do. And C. Those are my sister’s clothes you’re holding, and even if the girls I’ve slept with somehow managed to leave the house completely naked, I still wouldn’t keep their clothes.”
“Fine,” Lina mutters, rubbing her forehead. “You’re still a dirtball.”
After a moment, she goes to turn back toward the bed, but she quickly whips around to face me and says, “And don’t think I’m just gonna fall asleep because you said so,” with a stern finger pointed at me.
“Good. Don’t fall asleep because I told you to. Fall asleep because you need it.”
“You really think I can just turn it off? Like,‘Oh, okay, Grant, I’m gonna magically pass out now’? That’s not how it works.” She releases a short, tired laugh, but it’s more out of frustration than amusement.
I don’t take her defensive attitude personally. I know it’s because she’s tired.
“I know,” I say quietly. “But you’ve gotta at least try, alright?”
It’s the only thing I’m asking her to do:try.
Her eyes flicker over to me, and for the first time all night, she looks… vulnerable. Not the hard shell she usually wears, but something softer. The kind of look that makes it clear how much she’s fighting just to keep it together.
“I don’t think I can, Grant,” she whispers. “I don’t know how to make it stop.”
