Page 99 of Built to Fall
Savannah doesn’t have a problem with it and has made it very clear how much she likes Lina. Though, I’m sure it's confusing to her when she doesn’t know the full situation. She knows we aren’t fucking, but I haven’t told her why Lina sleeps here almost every night because it’s not my story to tell.
“She’s a sweet girl,” she says casually. “I think you should take a risk.”
“Take a risk?” I ask, stopping dead in my tracks.
She steps past me into the connecting bathroom, looking in the mirror while she fixes her hair. It reminds me of what Lina does so often, the way she constantly runs her fingers through her hair, either to detangle it or twirl it around her finger.
“You know what I mean. You have this idea that you have to sabotage every possibility you have of an actual relationship, when we both know damn well that you’d make a good boyfriend. I think you need to give yourself the chance.”
I feel my throat dry up, forcing me to swallow the lump that’s building. “And you think Lina’s the person I would want to try that with?”
She gives me aduhkind of look. “I mean, who else?”
“Come on, Sav.” I pull one of my nicer long-sleeve polos out of my closet and slip it on. One thing I know for sure: I will not be dressed down when being seen at dinner with Savannah Sinclair. “You know I don’t work like that.”
“You haven’t in the past, but who says you couldn’t?” She surveys me with her expression. “It’s clear that you like her, so don’t even try to deny it.”
My breath catches as I fasten the last button. I stay silent for a long moment because I have no clue how to respond.
It feels as though Savannah has already reached inside my brain, unwrapping the thoughts I was too scared to think about and putting them right out in the open. She’s infuriatingly perceptive, and it makes it nearly impossible to lie to her.
The truth of the matter is, I’ve never thought about a person more than Lina—never had someone take up so much of my mental real estate without even trying.
I’ve constantly talked myself out of it, though. With all the ways she constantly endangers herself, it’s not a good idea for me to get tangled up with her.
She puts me on edge, and makes my intrusive, worst-case scenario thoughts run rampant. She’s a brush fire, reckless and relentless, and I know it’s only a matter of time before she consumes me.
But no matter how hard I try to stay away, I keep running back toward her—bucket of water in hand, hoping somehow I’ll be enough to keep her from burning.
Ideally, with my neurotic, damage-control-ridden brain, I’d like to prevent the fire. But with Lina, it’s impossible, and I’m stuck constantly pulling her out of it.
“I’m a control freak,” I remind Savannah. “I can’t constantly be worried about someone else. I would drive myself insane.”
It wouldn’t matter if she was the most easygoing girl in the world. I still would be in a constant state of paranoia, wondering where she is, what she’s doing, if she’s safe.
Hell, I’vebeendoing that, and that was before we even became friends. It’s the same reason I have to call my sisters every Friday morning and stick to my rigid routine. It’s why I love the routine that comes with playing football so much.
“Grant…” Savannah sounds more worried than she did a few minutes ago. “Don’t you think there are things you can do about that? Therapy? Finding a better coping mechanism?”
I stare at her, my brain spinning. “It’s not something that can be fixed or controlled. This is who I am.”
“Well.” She steps back from the sink, straightening out her hair one last time before reentering my bedroom. “Other people’s feelings and actions aren’t yours to control, but yours are. Ignoring your own feelings only makes you lose it even more.”
Her knack for psychology is really starting to show, and it throws my brain off-kilter.
I open my mouth to respond, to say something dismissive, maybe deflective, but I don’t get the chance.
Braxton’s voice cuts through the paper-thin walls like a chainsaw. “By the way,” he yells way too loud, “Meredith said to meet at that new pasta place on Ainsley. Lina and Eden are coming too!”
Savannah and I both freeze like a goddamn scene from a sitcom.
She slowly turns to look at me, one brow arched. “Lina and Eden,” she repeats.
“And Meredith.”
“Well, this should be fun.” Savannah says, not cruel, not mocking, but amused.
I give her a stern look. “Please don’t say anything.”
