Page 46 of Cain
I don’t give him an answer, but he knows, as I do, that I’m staying. I’m healing. This place is good for me.
The ugliness of what happened is still within me, but not taking center stage any longer.
I see Melody and Paula from time to time. I ignore them. I walk away. I have nothing to say to them.
“You don’t want to punch them and break their noses?” Onyx asks once when we see them at The Rooster, a bar on Main Street.
Those two are still thick as thieves. You’d think after everything that happened—Kyle dumping Paula, Cain and their parents cutting her off, even going so far as to kick her out of the house—she might’ve changed? But no. Nothing’s different. She and Melody are still inseparable.
“Nope. Don’t want to punch anyone.”
“Well, I do.”
I have a normal life again. A simple one. It’s the best life I’ve ever had. It’s even better than how it was when I first came to Silverton. Now, people know me. People see me.
Cain sees me.
Slowly but steadily, the ice walls around my heart are thawing—and it’s not painful to let go. In fact, it’s pleasant.
I’m starting to believe that maybe the world isn’t all bad—that there is still good.
I smile when I see Cain. I don’t have to force a plastic one. It’s real.
No one in my life has taken such care with me.
He did wrong, and I may never give myself to him or anyone else again—because healing only goes so far, but I can talk to him, be near him, enjoy him.
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Sheesh!
Okay, I’m still attracted to him and want him.
I still love him.
I still have dreams that we’ll end up together,somehow, though I don’t know how. I can’t see a future with him, but I want it, which is scary, so I bury itdeep, deep, deepinside.
“Hey.” He’s coming earlier in the day now, before we open at noon.
I’m restocking the bar and thank him when he helps, carrying boxes from the storage room.
Ricky teases that he’s not going to pay Cain, and enjoys the free labor.
Cain counters, “The minute she lets me, I’m hiring her back at Ripley’s—so enjoy it while you can.”
I haven’t been in Ripley’s since I was arrested. It’s not something I’m able to do. I’m managing better with what happened to me, but it doesn’t change how my gut tightens even as I walk past Cain’s place.
He knows. He doesn’t push.
“So…I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date with me.”
I jerk my head too fast and bump it against the lip of the bar as I’m bringing up bottles.
He starts rubbing the bruised area. “Ouch!You okay, sweet thing?”
Sweet thing!
The man needs to stop calling me that. He doesn’t do it all the time because I told him not to, but he does it when he’s not paying attention, like now, when he wants to soothe.
