Page 47 of So I Married an Alien
“Sure.”
Amara taps on someone’s shoulder, and the circle opens for us.There are a few gasps as I step into the ring.
“Oh, dang, an alien!”says one man dressed in an elaborate suit and top hat.He is one of the few human males I’ve seen since coming to Earth.“I haven’t met an alien before.How are you, man?”
I blink.“I am not a man.”
“Indeed!”He laughs a surprisingly loud, boisterous laugh.“Are you two joining us?”
“Yes, please,” says Amara, and someone hands her two small objects.She lifts a glass tube with a bowl at the end to her lips, then flicks the little cylinder and a burst of flame comes out.She brings the flame down to the bowl and inhales the smoke into her mouth.After holding it for a moment, she releases the smoke, then hands me the glass object.
“Put the pipe to your lips and breathe in.”
I do as she tells me, and she brings the flame down to the bowl again.I inhale, and the smoke invading my throat nearly makes me gag.
“Bring it into your lungs,” Amara instructs, and though it’s uncomfortable, I do it.She takes the pipe from me as the smoke fills my diaphragm, and then I cough, sending it all back out.
It tastes awful, and the sensation of smoke in my lungs is unnatural.The pipe travels around the circle as everyone resumes talking.
“Did you know that what we think of as the ‘anglerfish’ is just a female, and the males are really tiny?”the man in the top hat says.“After they impregnate the females, they getabsorbed into her body.”
Everyone lets outoohsandahhs.
“So basically, they’re just sperm donors and then they get eaten?”Amara asks.
He nods vigorously.“Nutrition!”
“What bizarre creatures you have on this planet,” I say.“First spiders, and now… anglerfish?Where does this one live?”
Amara pats my shoulder.“I don’t think you’ll encounter an anglerfish in the apartment.They live in the ocean.”
“Already had a run-in with spiders?”a woman in the circle asks, blowing out smoke.The pipe returns to Amara, and she takes another big whiff of it.“I’m terrified of them.I will scream like a baby if I see one.”
I nod in understanding.“They are terrible.”
“Is the squirrel or the spider worse?”Amara asks, passing me the pipe.
“The spider is smaller and, thus, worse.”
Someone else in the circle snorts.“I wonder what you would think of elephants.”
While Amara lights the pipe for me again and I inhale the smoke, my translator supplies me with an image of an enormous beast, gray all over with wrinkles and a long snout that drags on the ground.
“At least you would know it’s coming,” I say, coughing the smoke out again.“I could hide in Amara’s closet.”
Everyone laughs, and I’m happy knowing that I did it.My brain feels almost… syrupy, thick.But also sweet, like something I tried calledcotton candy.I realize I’ve been smiling widely for some time now, and so is Amara, her hand clasped around my arm as she likes to do.She has so many habits, all of them interesting, most endearing.Even the ones that aren’t, like sniffling while we watch a movie instead of blowing her nose because of her allergies, are still cute because they’rehers.
Still, I often supply her with a box of tissue after an hour has gone by.
I realize I’ve been lost in thought, and everyone is looking at me expectantly, waiting for an answer.
“Roth’kar, he asked about your cool toothbrush thing?”Amara reminds me gently.
“Oh, yes.”I pretend like I didn’t miss anything.“You see, it has a sonic vibration that knocks all detritus off of the teeth, and then you simply rinse it out.”
“What other cool alien gear do you have?”the man in the top hat asks.
Though they are all strangers, I feel far more confident than I ever have around humans before.All their eyes trained on me, waiting for my answer, pleases me.I was never much of a social being in the Hole, but now I feel happy and bold.
