Page 49 of So I Married an Alien
ChapterNineteen
Amara
I can’t believe it.I just can’t.Everything about this marriage has been a lie since the very beginning.The only reason he came to Earth was to escape the hell he lived in.He never wanted me; I was merely a convenience to get what he needed.
How long was he planning to use me and then leave me?I know I should ask him these questions to his face, but I’m so angry, so betrayed, that I can’t even look at him because it burns my soul.
I gave so much of myself to Roth’kar, all while he planned to gallivant off the moment the deed was done.He convinced me he cared for me, that we would be a good pair, just so I wouldn’t end it before the thirty days was up.
I can’t believe I let him touch me, that I let himhave sex with me.That I practically cut open my heart and handed him a piece of it when he never intended to do the same.
“Amara!”Roth’kar calls after me as I head into the house, my whole body hot, so hot, my senses on overdrive as I try to process the avalanching heartbreak.“Amara, wait.”
I stop and turn to him.“I am leaving.”My voice comes out weaker than I intend, but I’m weak, so weak, for him.“I am leaving to go home.I don’t want to see you until tomorrow.You can sleep at Marguerite’s house—I’ll tell her you’re staying.”
He opens his mouth like he wants to argue, but I ignore him, turning away again so I can go find Marguerite.Roth’kar follows me again.
“Please,” he says, reaching for my hand.“Amara, it’s not like any of that anymore.”
I jerk it away, because just touching him is painful.
“Stop it!”I snap.“Just stop!I can’t even look at you!I need to be alone.”
When I charge off again, Roth’kar stands still, watching me go.
I’m in tears when I finally find Marguerite.I can barely get the words out, but somehow she’s able to discern my meaning, because she pats my shoulder and assures me she’ll take care of everything.
All I can do is flee from the house before I break down.
I cry the entire light rail ride home, wishing that Roth’kar was with me, hating that he’s not, hating that he lied to me, hating that everything iswrong.
He never wanted me.Even now, was he planning to bounce the moment the trial was over?Is everything he ever told me, everything we ever did, even real?Was sleeping with me part of his plan?
The thought absolutely disgusts me, and the moment I’m through the front door of my condo, I get into the shower and scrub myself clean under the hot water.I feel vomit rise in my throat.
He did what he needed to do.He did what wasexpectedof him, just like we talked about.I was right.
No, wait, I am going to throw up.
After getting it all out into the toilet, I close the lid and lean my head on it, wet and cold and exhausted.I’ve gone through some nasty breakups, but nothing has hit me where it hurts quite like this.
Finally, I heave myself off the bathroom floor, towel dry, and head into the bedroom.The sheets and blanket are still a mess from earlier, when I was trying to put on my dress and Roth’kar insisted on taking it off me.
I fall onto the bed, breaking out into sobs all over again.I lie under the blankets that smell like my husband, miserable and sick to my stomach, until I fall asleep.
The next morning, I feel like a cake that got dropped from a twenty-story building.When I slide out of bed, though, I smell bacon fat cooking.Quickly, I throw on my slippers and robe and stumble out into the hallway.
In the kitchen, Roth’kar stands over two hot pans.He turns when I appear.
“I made breakfast,” he says carefully.“Plenty of grease.And here’s some coffee.”I stand there as he pours me a mug from the coffee maker and slides it across the table in my direction.
I know what he’s trying to do.It’s not worth it.I already went through this entire breakup in my head last night, and while I might be exhausted now, it’s because I know the right answer.
“Roth’kar.”I sit down at the table, studiously ignoring the coffee.
“Almost done.”His tone is almost frantic.“Just a few more minutes.”
“Roth’kar.”
