Page 50 of So I Married an Alien
He gives me a pleading look.“Don’t make me leave.”He pushes the pans aside and comes to the table, sitting across from me.He reaches for me, but I don’t take his outstretched hand.“Please, Amara.It’s not because of the Hole.I don’t want to leaveyou.I’ve never felt happiness like I have with you, and?—”
“I’m not making you leave.”
I say the words strong and hard, so he won’t question them.
Roth’kar’s antennae lift for a moment from where they’ve been plastered miserably against his head.“You won’t?”
“No.I could never send you back there, even though it didn’t work out between us.”
“It… didn’t?”He searches my face for what I’m saying.“What do you mean, Amara?You’re going to stay married to me?”
“Until we sign the documents and make everything official, so you can get residency on Earth.”
I hate the words as they come out of my mouth, but it’s the right thing to do.I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if Roth’kar had to return to the Hole after how terrible it was.
But he can’t stay in my house, either.I can’t be his wife, knowing what I know now.Not when there’s still a chance he would leave me.
Roth’kar’s tone is worried as he asks, “And then?After?”
“And then we get divorced, and you can go off and do whatever you want.”
His antennae droop, and he lowers his head.
“You’ll let me stay here until the paperwork is done, and then you want me to leave.”
“Yes.”
I’m trying to keep calm, but inside my heart is breaking into pieces all over again.But I deserve more than this.I deserve someone who choseme.Who wantsme.
“It’s only a few more days,” I point out.“Gazargo comes back on the third.”
“Three days.”Roth’kar raises those blue eyes to mine, and they are bottomless.“Three days until I have my citizenship.”
“And then you can go.”
He nods slowly, his hands curled into fists.Then he rises silently from the table, serves the food on two plates, and puts one in front of me.He looks numb as he sits down, and we both eat in silence.
The rest of the day passes much the same: in silence.I deposit Roth’kar’s clothes outside the spare room in a neat pile, then go into my own room and shut the door so I can be alone.I lie on my bed, miserable, staring at the wall and wishing everything was different.
When I emerge again, he’s taken the clothes away and retreated to his own room.
I make dinner that night, and Roth’kar tries to help, so I let him.I say nothing, and though he glances at me from time to time, he doesn’t speak, either.
Over our meal, he says, “Amara, please, let me explain myself.”
My response is firm and final.“I think you did already.”
He falters.Looking down at his plate, Roth’kar doesn’t attempt to make conversation again.
I will give him what he wants.I’ll make sure he has everything he needs to build a life for himself.And then we’ll wash our hands of each other.
The next morning, I get up early for work, before my alarm has even gone off.When I walk out into the kitchen, Roth’kar is already awake and cooking.He slides a plate of food into my spot at the table.
“So that you have a good day today,” he says, by way of explanation.
I don’t answer.I can’t trust myself to answer without breaking down.His attempt to take care of me, to be kind to me, grates on my nerves.How can he go about this farce still?
After I eat, I throw on my bag and head out the door.
