Page 51 of So I Married an Alien
The day is a slog.Kendall knows something is up, and she offers to talk about it, but I’m not ready.I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
I thought I’d found the love of my life, but I was just a path for him to get what he wanted.
Have things changed since then, like he’s arguing?I believe Roth’kar cares about me, yes.But if I asked him point-blank if he still intended on leaving… would I believe his answer?Do I really know his heart?
I don’t think I do, not anymore.
That’s what hurts the most—how our relationship had blossomed so fully, only for all the trust I had in him to be destroyed.Now, I’m mourning it.
The drive back from work makes me infuriated as other drivers cut in front of me, because an accident has slowed everything down.I just want to slam on my horn and shout at someone.It’s all so unfair.
Finally, I’m home, but I dread walking in the front door.Just seeing Roth’kar’s face this morning was like a dagger to the chest.
When I finally step inside, I’m greeted by the scent of onions, garlic, and spices.I frown when I spot Roth’kar in the kitchen, wearing my apron, busying about over two pans and a pot on the stove.He turns when I enter, and he offers me a tentative smile.
“Curry?”he asks.
Fuck.He knows I love curry.He knows I’d do anything for it, and I hate that he’s trying to buy me back with food.
It’s not about whether or not I love him.I’m pretty sure that I do.It’s about whether or not I can trust what we’ve built—and how it feels like our little city of budding love was wiped out in a tidal wave.
“Roth’kar, I’m sorry.”
He turns his head again.“For what?”
“This is pointless.It’s not about forgiveness.You can’t just undo what’s been done.Everything between us is based on a lie, and I don’t think I can ever trust you again.”
His antennae flatten, and he turns back to the food.He doesn’t speak for a long time, and I think he’s not going to answer me at all until he says, “I am not trying to buy your forgiveness, Amara.”
He serves rice in bowls, and then dishes out the curry over it, topping it off with yogurt and cilantro before bringing it to the table.He sets one in front of me, then seats himself on the other side of the table.
“I am trying to take care of you.That is my job, as your husband.To take care of you and protect you, even if you don’t want me to do it.And I’ll do it as long as I can, until you make me leave.”
ChapterTwenty
Roth’kar
I’ve never feltan agony as excruciating as seeing how badly I destroyed everything with Amara.It seethes under the surface of my skin, knowing how I’ve hurt her and that there is no way I can fix it.
Even in her sadness and her fury, she is generous, wanting to complete the marriage so that I can stay on Earth.Perhaps that injures me most of all—that she will do this to help me even when it hurts her.
I want to blame Zono, but it’s not his fault.I was the one who lied, she is right.I used the Matching Program to escape, not caring who was on the other end.And now that’s caught up to me.
Things may be different for me now, but she has no reason to believe that.She doesn’t know what’s in my soul.
As much as I want to fight, Amara has closed her doors to me.She has locked me away, steeled her heart to me, and I’m not sure that any amount of fighting would break through.
And so, I will simply do what I can to make sure that, when she asks me to leave, I’ll have done the best I could to be her mate.I don’t know what will come after when she files for a divorce.
That word makes me shiver.
Only two more days until Gazargo returns for our signatures, and Amara marries me—just for me to lose her right after.
That night, she retires to her room early, and I sit on the couch simply thinking, wishing I knew how to fix this.When I finally go to bed, I’m exhausted, too tired to even attend to my hungry culans.They don’t understand why I’m not with Amara, sunk inside her while I kiss her soft lips.
I prepare breakfast again in the morning, which Amara eats without speaking.Once she’s left for work, I take down the Halloween decorations, dread building in my belly for tomorrow.That’s when Amara and I will sign our names on the tablet to officially be married—a marriage I will never get to enjoy.
Afterward, I decide to head to the park.Perhaps the falling leaves will spark an idea and give me some solution to my problem, if there is one.
