Page 108 of Cloudless
I take a deep breath as I choose to move on with the conversation, so I don’t say something I might regret. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”
She sits up straighter in her seat and lays her fork on the edge of her plate. “You have some changes you want to make to the contract?”
I shake my head as Lila’s fingers dig into my leg under the table. She’ll never know how thankful I am for her silent show of support. “I actually wanted to let you know I won’t be signing with Richard.”
Mom’s brows crease as much as her Botox will allow. “I don’t understand. This is a great opportunity for you, Kamden.” The crease between her brows flattens as the smile returns to her face. “Don’t worry. Your dad got cold feet before he signed, too. You still have plenty of time to get everything worked out the way you want. You can’t even sign until you graduate, anyway.” Her languid laugh grates against my ears.
I shake my head as my voice slows. “You’re not hearing me, Mom. I’ve already decided what I want to do. I won’t be signing with Richard. The deal he’s offering is pathetic, Mom. I would be a fool to sign with him.”
Her eye twitches as she straightens the napkin in her lap. Her smile stays firmly secured on her face despite the hardness now visible in her eyes. “I know this is a lot for you to understand,Kamden. That’s why your dad and I planned all this for you years ago. This is all your dad wanted for you. It would break his heart to see you turning your back on his wishes like this. We’ve just always wanted what’s best for you. You saw what signing with the wrong agent did to him.” I can practically see the memories floating behind her eyes. “His first agent practically destroyed this family. Richard was so good for him. That’s all we ever wanted for you. Someone you can rely on.”
My face heats as I fight to cool the rage bubbling within me. “This ismetellingyouwhat’s best for me, Mom. Richard might have been good for Dad, because he needed someone to rein him in. He needed someone that would take over and just tell him where to be, and what to do. That’s not what I want for myself.” I glance at Lila to find fire in her eyes, along with the courage I need to keep talking. “Who knows, maybe Lila will end up being my agent someday. She’s better at reading contracts than any other agent I’ve ever talked to.”
My mom’s voice takes on a hard edge that sends a chill down my spine from the memories it brings to the surface. “I see what’s really going on here. This girl shows up, and suddenly you’re changing the plans that have been laid out for you since you first put a pair of skates on your feet. Don’t forcemeto watch asyoumake unfixable mistakes, Kamden. I can’t take watching you wither away like your father.”
The warmth seeping from Lila’s palm is as strong as the fire in her voice. “He’s not forcingyouto watch anything.You’rethe one who chooses to sit on the sidelines instead of actually taking a role in his life.” A calmness settles in my chest with her words.
Lila’s rage vibrates through me as my mom all but ignores her. With clenched fists, Mom looks down her nose like I’m still the small child cowering in front of her. “I prepared you for this world, so I wouldn’t need to be at the center of yours.”
I’m proud of the calm tone I keep in my voice. “Maybe instead of preparing me for the world, you should have been giving me a safe place to escape from it. Instead, you forced me out into a world that was just as cruel as the one I was born into.” The tension relaxes from my shoulders as I uncurl my fist to find Lila’s hand under the table. “So I went out and found my own safe place, Mom. I’m not about to give that up so I can walk in Dad’s footsteps and be just as miserable as he was.”
I can practically hear the grinding of her teeth. “So you don’t want to play hockey at all? Is that what you’re telling me?”
I shake my head. “No. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just going to do it my way.”
She crosses her arms across her chest as she leans back in her seat. “Well, don’t come crawling back to me when yourgrandidea doesn’t work out.”
I stand from my seat without a care for the food on my plate. “Don’t worry, you wouldn’t be the one I crawl back to, anyway.” I look at my sister’s shocked face, then at the wide eyes of the twins, only to settle on the beaming smile on Lila’s face. “Are you guys ready to go? We have somewhere else we need to be.”
Lila gives my hand a last squeeze before she helps the twins from their seats.
My eyes turn to my mom’s to find utter shock on her face. Never one to forget my manners, I say, “Thank you for the lunch. We’ll see you at Christmas.”
I turn toward the front door, feeling lighter than I ever have before. I will never again carry the burden I left at that table.
I hear her scoff behind me. “I can’t believe you’re walking out of our Thanksgiving lunch because of a little quarrel. Ellie, dear, there’s no reason to go along with your brother’s tantrum. It was just as detrimental when you were a child, you know.”
Ellie’s eyes aren’t nearly as silent as her voice. The pain I see written all over her face takes me back to the nights she wouldcry herself to sleep. Our adjoining walls were thin enough to betray her quiet sobs she never wanted me to know existed.
Tilly’s nails dig into my legs as she jumps around me, begging for attention. She abandons me in favor of my mom's call. I stalk through the front door without a backwards glance.
Lila’s fingers find mine as the door clicks shut with an air of finality. “That wasthesexiest thing I have ever seen, Trouble.”
I stare into her crystal eyes as the autumn air flows over my skin. “It was time for me to free myself from a legacy of expectations. I just hate it took me this long to realize how monumental the weight truly was.”
Ellie’s voice reaches my ears for the first time in what seems like hours. “I’m proud of you, little brother.”
Yeah, I’m pretty proud of myself, too.
CHAPTER 52
SMUT
LILA
Towering oak trees and pristine lawns blur by as we drive through my grandparents' neighborhood. I blow out a breath that feels like it deflates my chest. “Okay, I think we need a code word.” My head rolls against the passenger seat headrest as I look at Kam. “You know, in case we need to enact an exit plan or something.”
His hand flexes on the steering wheel as a smirk pulls at his lips. “Surely dinner can’t go as badly as lunch.”
