Page 41 of Cloudless
It’s what has me willing to drop to my knees and ask for forgiveness if that's what she deems necessary.
Relief and anxiety flow through me in equal measure as Lila finally appears through the classroom door. Her oversized shirt, messy ponytail, and dark circles under her eyes do nothing to dull her beauty that never ceases to revert me to a twelve-year-old boy watching his first crush on the playground.
A sense of summer and comfort washes over me as her mango scent permeates the surrounding air. She takes her seat next to me just in time for Professor Mills to reach his podium and clear his throat—his usual sign class is about to begin.
Seconds feel like minutes and minutes feel like hours as I wait for class to be over. My actions in my room last night play on a constant loop in my mind as I zone out.
Negotiation Strategies wasn’t my first choice, but I can’t help but feel thankful it led me to Lila.
My ears perk up at the mention of a group project near the end of class.
Professor Mills' monotone voice carries through the space in a dull current. “You’ll get in groups of two to work through a series of contracts. I want you to give me a list of recommended changes for each contract, along with your reasoning. No one sentence reasoning. Do I make myself clear? I want real, thorough responses.”
Murmurs circulate the room as other students look for the partner that won’t stick them with the most work. My blood pressure rises as a few heads turn in Lila’s direction.
Their gazes move on to others when I send them an icy glare.
The seat creaks under me as I turn my body toward Lila. The small smile already gracing her face sends a thrill through me. “Be my partner, Sunshine?”
Her smile only grows as she nods. “Sure, Trouble. Someone’s got to keep you in line.”
Professor Mills’ voice rises above the murmurs as students pair up around us. “Use the rest of the class to discuss your project. You’ll find the details of the project in your email inbox and in your student portal for this class. Have a good rest of your day.”
The murmurs grow into full conversations as Professor Mills exits the room to disappear into the cave that is his office.
Our classmates gather their things and file out of the room with their partners, clearly not waiting around for the last few minutes of class.
Lila stuffs her notebook in her backpack as I stick my notebook under my arm and stand.
I clear my throat to rid myself of the knot that forms whenever she’s near. “So, Lila.” I scratch the back of my neck to give myself something to do with my hands. “I actually wanted to apologize for last night.”
Her brows draw down in confusion as she slings her backpack over her shoulder. “About what?”
I decide to spit it out before my nerves take over. “You trusted me with the care of your siblings and with our friendship, and I almost ruined it. I respect your decision to just be friends, Lila. I don’t want you to think I don’t. Our friendship is far too important to me to risk in the way I did last night.”
The slight tension in her shoulders leaves her frame with her next breath. “Thank you, Kam. Our friendship is important to me, too.”
I leave the weight that had become a parasite since I left her in my room last night behind as I follow her out of the aisle. Tendrils of escaped hair reach for me in the wind as she moves toward the door. I follow helplessly in their wake.
She raises her voice to be heard over the waves of students in the hall as we walk together. “Thank you for watching the twins yesterday. That’s all they talked about when we got home.”
I laugh as I think back to the rematch Posey won yesterday and how butthurt Dax was for the rest of the night. “I’m glad they had a good time. They’re welcome anytime.”
I hold the door open for Lila as the warm breeze washes over my face. I curse under my breath as I realize I forgot my sunglasses at home. Memories of the last time I direly needed my sunglasses spring to the forefront of my mind like a welcome friend. I laugh under my breath as I ask, “Have you had any more trouble with your car battery?”
Her small laugh is almost as warm as the summer sun. “Thankfully, no. I’m still not sure what caused it to die that day.”
Seconds of comfortable silence stretch between us as we walk along the crowded sidewalk.
I speak before I’ve given myself permission. “I value your trust. I know it’s not easily given.” Quietly, I add, “I was very disappointed in myself yesterday. That’s why I left the room so quickly.”
The noise around us fades until we’re cocooned in our own bubble. She peeks over at me as we walk. The sight of her crystal blue eyes burdened by clouds again breaks my heart.
Her voice is gentle when she says, “What’s really going on, Kam?”
My throat grows tight as my mind rejects the idea of speaking the very thing I’ve worked so hard to heal from. “I don’t want to be like him.”
Her presence never wavers as we walk. “Like who?”
