Page 42 of Cloudless
The melodic beat of our footfalls on the sidewalk calms my racing heart. “My dad.” I blow out a breath that was intended for calming, but comes out shaky. “He wasn’t a good man, Lila. The media talks about the great Brock Stryker, NHL startingcenter. Record setting career high for goals. Multimillion dollar contracts.”
I shake my head as I say, “What I saw when I looked at him was different. I saw a man who made my mom cry every time he went to an away game because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. I saw a man who would almost drink himself to death and gamble away his fortune every time he lost a game. I saw a man who wanted that same life for me.” Students pass as we walk. I wonder what they see when they look at me.
Her eyes hold no judgement when she looks at me. “You’re not your dad, Kam.”
I nod as I’m forced to look away from her pure eyes for fear I might crumble under the weight. “I know. I’ve worked very hard not to be. When I went against your wishes last night and talked and acted in a way that went beyond friendship, I saw remnants of him.” My voice quiets to a whisper. “That terrified me.”
She pulls me to a stop as her delicate fingers weave through mine. The warmth of her palm soothes a fracture in my heart that I thought had healed long ago.
My voice is shaky as I admit something I’ve never said to another soul. “I thought I would be free of him when he died. I thought his harsh words couldn’t haunt me, but his legacy always will.” A humorless laugh escapes me as I shake my head. “That’s so selfish to say when you hurt so badly from what happened with your parents.”
Her fingers tighten around mine as her eyes blaze with determination. “Just because your experience with the death of a parent differs from mine, doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to your feelings, Kam. It’s okay to admit your dad was a dick.” Her smile threatens to dull the intensity of the sun.
The intensity of the laugh that breaks free almost startles me. “You’re right. My dadwasa dick.”
Her eyes light up as she steps so close, there are only inches between us. “Say it again, Trouble.”
“My dad was a dick.”
She takes another step so the tips of our shoes are almost touching. “Louder!”
I tilt my head back and yell so loudly that birds fly from the trees on either side of the sidewalk. “My dad was a DICK!”
My sister’s voice breaks the moment. “Sounds like I missed the party.” Lila drops my hand. I instantly miss the contact.
Air floods between us as she steps toward my sister with a smile on her face. “Hey, Ellie. I wanted to thank you again for getting Posey some nuggets yesterday. She’s always been such a picky eater.”
“It’s no problem. I was happy to do it.” Her eyes turn mischievous as she looks between us. “Now, tell me why you were screaming about our dick of a dad for all of campus to hear.”
“I was just telling Lila how his legacy doesn’t match up with reality.”
She nods as her eyes search mine. “Ah. I see.” She turns her full attention to Lila. “Want to grab a coffee? I was just heading to the cafe.”
Lila glances at her watch before she nods. “Sure. I’ve got an hour before my shift starts.”
I watch in fascination as the girls link arms like they’ve known each other their entire lives. “Sorry, Goose. No boys allowed.”
A laugh erupts from Lila as the clouds disappear from her eyes for a moment. “Goose?”
A seriousness takes over Ellie’s voice. “Have you ever been chased by a goose, L?”
Lila’s eyes light up as their voices fade the farther they get from me. “No, I haven't.”
The sheer joy emanating from Ellie is palpable. “Well, Kam has.” She glances over her shoulder as she drags Lila toward the cafe. The mischievous smirk on her face makes me fear for whatever she’s about to say to Lila in my absence. “He has a scar in the shape of a bite mark on his ass to prove it.”
My groan is followed by a small laugh. My feet are rooted to the ground as I watch them walk down the sidewalk. Ellie’s ponytail and the tendrils of Lila’s escaped hair blow in the wind.
Their laughter lingers in the air like the sweetest of fragrances as I watch them disappear into the crowd.
My chest feels lighter as I continue on the path to my Tahoe. A smile lingers on my face the entire way. I opened up and talked to Lila about things I’ve hardly admitted to myself. And it felt damn good.
CHAPTER 19
MONICA AND RACHEL
LILA
A constant thrum of voices and too loud of music assaults my ears as soon as I open the door to the cafe. The line stretches just feet from the door as most of the morning classes on campus finish up for the day.
