Page 28 of Darkness of Mine
I blink, my bedroom coming back into focus. It takes me a moment to realize the ringing is real and it’s coming from the bedside table.
I scramble over and pull the drawer open to find my old phone, the screen lit up with a call from Jude.
I press to answer, my hand trembling.
“You’re okay, just breathe.”
Jude.I sink into his voice. My brain is foggy and my body still feels like I’m six years old again, stuck in that basement, but I do what Jude says and breathe.
“Go to the window, Angel.”
I turn around, knocking my thigh on the bed as I stumble over to the window. I dig my nails into the base of the frame, staring out into the night. The moon is almost full, add to that the light from the streetlamps and I can see the red hued drive of the house clearly.
I am not underground. I’m not in a basement. This is my room, myhome.
I rest my forehead against the glass.Well fuck, isn’t that just screwed up.
A tear slips free and tracks a path down my cheek, but the worst of the panic is receding. I look back down at the phone in my white-knuckled grip. This is the kindest Jude’s been to me since the guys found me at Carmen’s and a tiny spark of hope flickers in my heart.
“Let me out, Jude. Please.”
His breath flutters down the line. “I can’t do that.”
I grip the windowsill. “Yes, you can. I’m not going to run.”
Jude’s voice hardens. “That’s what you said last time.”
His words thump into my stomach. “Jude…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I didn’t have a choice.”
He goes quiet and the cracks in my heart widen. I’m tempted to hang up. To bury the phone back in the drawer but Alistair’s words come back to me.
I think you learned a long time ago to run away from the scary things.
I don’t want to run from Jude, not again.
“Jude,” I say again. “Talk to me.”
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Are you?”
Jude’s sigh travels down the phone but he doesn’t say anything.
I rub my thumb over the hem of his hoodie, the cotton soft against my skin. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
He’s quiet a little while longer and when he does finally speak my heart takes the bullet. “Because it hurts, Freya.” His sigh is heavy, tortured. “I love you, but it hurts, and I need time.”
The line goes dead.
I cradle the phone against my chest and curl up on the bed. Sweat and panic cling to me, the flashback still pressing at my skin. I want Jude here with me, holding me. But he couldn’t feel further away.
The pain’s too much to cry right now, I just seize up over the covers. Running away may have protected the guys but I didn’t realize how much damage it would do. I didn’t realize I was breaking us.
13
FREYA
“Rise and shine, Kitty Kat!”
