Page 60 of Darkness of Mine
Eli’s lips twitch, a sparkle in the blue depths of his gaze. “Well, that’s a first.”
I scoff a half-laugh and roll my eyes but the tension’s drained enough for me to find the words.
I stare at the dead twigs on the trail. “I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.” I think of how I keep finding myself with my knife in my hand, not entirely sure how it got there. “I’m reacting to things in ways I never used to. And Angelica… ever since I told her about our mother she’s been bombarding me with questions. ‘What’s she like?’ ‘Does she hate cauliflower like us?’ ‘Did she name us?’” I pull away, dislodging my braid from Eli’s grasp. “My sister, who is certifiably more damaged than me, is havinga normal reaction to learning about our mother and I’m just… blank.”
Eli’s palm settles on my thigh, stopping me from getting too lost in the panic.
I take a breath. “Ever since I met her there’s been nothing. No questions, no curiosity. I don’t even know whether I want to see her again. She’s not my mother, she’s a stranger. Isn’t that just fucked up?”
Eli rubs his thumb back and forth over my jeans. “I don’t know, it makes sense to me. Allie doesn’t have any healthy attachments, I can see why she’d want to cling on to even the slightest possibility of one. She needs your mother in a way you maybe don’t. You have Carmen, Luke.” Eli nudges my leg. “And you have us.”
“Do I though?” The question comes out on a broken whisper. Something Alistair said to me comes back and I’m not sure Eli’s right about me having healthy attachments. I worked so hard to build an identity for myself and I think part of me is scared that if I let the guys in, I’ll lose who I am. My relationship with them doesn’t feel stable anymore. They may have found me, but I still feel so far away and I think maybe, I’m to blame for part of that.
Eli wraps my braid around his fist, his voice turning stern. “Yes. You do. You always have us. River messed up, Freya. We all did. But we’re stubborn fuckers and we’re not going to stop until we’ve earned your forgiveness.”
An ache squirms in my stomach. “River’s barely said three words to me since the other night.”
“Would you have been ready to hear him out if he had?”
My breath heaves out of me, and I stand up. “Probably not.” I stare out into the forest. The snow dusted trees are beautiful, but underneath the fine layer of white, everything is dead.
“What if this doesn’t work, Eli? What if all of us, everything that’s happened, is too complicated? We’re supposed to befinding Harley but at the moment we can barely even function as a team, let alone catch Zach.”
Ground crunches under Eli’s boots as he climbs off the bike. His hands come to my hips, and he spins me round to face him. “Kitten, I hate to break it to you, but you don’t have a choice. We’re too far gone to let you go now. You belong with us, and we’ll spend the rest of our lives proving it to you. Whether you want us to or not.”
I rest my head against his chest. His words should scare me or make me feel trapped, but they don’t. Instead, I find refuge in his surety, in his belief that this is right, that I’m it for him. Because despite my fears, I know that River, Eli, Jude, and Oz are it for me. When I’d been staying with Carmen, I’d known I wouldn’t ever find anybody else. That’s why I was breaking. If I didn’t have the guys, then I didn’t want anyone.
I close my eyes. Maybe Alistair’s right. Maybe I need to stop running away from the things I want the most.
“So, what now?”
Eli’s lips press against the top of my head. “Now, we make a bet.”
The seductive edge to his voice has me looking up at him, my gaze tapering in suspicion. “Why does that sound like a dangerous idea?”
Eli smirks. His fingers tip toe up my leg. “I bet I can make you come with just my fingers in under a minute. If you win, you can drive for the rest of the day. If I win, I drive.”
“Under a minute?” My eyebrows lift high.
Eli nods. “From the second my fingers touch your cunt.”
I laugh. He’s good but I’m pretty confident I can hold off for a single minute. I smirk up at him. “You’re on.”
Instead of touching me, Eli grabs his helmet and climbs onto the front of the bike.
“A bit confident, no? You haven’t won yet.”
Eli waves a hand at a couple of cyclists speeding past. “I’m all for staying here if you want an audience but I figured you might like to go somewhere a little quieter.”
I hesitate for a moment before giving in and straddling the bike behind him. He’s not going to get to drive for much longer so I may as well give him this.
I realize my mistake the second Eli revs the engine and the vibrations hit my core.Oh.
Eli hooks his hands around my thighs and tugs me forward, till my chest is flush against his back and my core is nestled against the leather seat. His hand goes to the accelerator and twists.
I gasp as vibrations roll through the bike between my legs. My thighs squeeze together and I grit my teeth.
Eli grins at me over his shoulder before flipping down his visor and skidding onto the track.
