Page 47 of Light in Your Eyes
For a long moment, none of us speaks. Only the sound of the rain falling hard echoes around us.
"Why?" Layla finally asks again. She sounds genuinely worried, which breaks down my walls.
"It makes me feel helpless," I say, surprising myself that I'm actually admitting it out loud.
This girl is slowly making me let out my pent-up emotions. I don't even know how she does that.
Layla doesn't push for more elaboration, but the words are already on the tip of my tongue.
"I hate how the rain falls on my body," I say. "It's fucking harsh, like it's trapping all my senses. I'm already blind, so I don't like feeling it."
She stays silent, and I continue, "The rain also washes away all the other smells and scents. I feel like all my clues have disappeared. It also impairs my hearing ability because all I can hear is the sound of it pouring harshly all around me."
Now, all I can hear is indeed the sound of the rain. If Layla didn't stand next to me, I wouldn't be able to hear her.
"That sounds so gloomy," she says, causing me to frown. "On the other hand," she continues with a cheerful voice, "I see rain as something good. Happiness."
I can imagine the big smile on her face as she says that.
"I like to play and dance in the rain," she says. "You're right. All we can feel and hear is the rain itself, but it feels liberating, like we don't have to think about anything else. We shut up the entire world, and we can just do anythingwe want."
I feel her moving toward the rain, and that makes me alert. What the hell is she going to do?
Her laughter rings in the air as she allows herself to get drenched in the rain. She sounds so happy, like a little girl.
"Oh God. It feels so good." She squeals between laughter.
She then hums, moving. The sound of water splattering on the ground lets me know that she's twirling and dancing in the rain.
"Are you crazy?" I hiss.
"Come on." She approaches me and takes my hands, trying to drag me into the rain. Her fingers are cold, but she doesn't sound like the coldness bothers her.
My hands are shivering, and it's fucking embarrassing.
"It's okay." Her soft voice is so close to me, trying to calm me. "I'll show you something so that you don't have to be afraid of the rain anymore."
The idea sounds so tempting. I somehow manage to push my ego aside. Slowly, I walk off the gazebo, letting the rain attack me.
As usual, I feel trapped, especially since it's falling so hard right now.
"Easy," she says gently, still clasping my hands.
I feel like a lost and wounded animal, and she is my only anchor.
"You think too much," she says. "Just this once, don't think about anything else. You're okay. You're safe."
I swallow, feeling like her soft voice is the only light for me in this darkness.
I look up toward the sky as drops of rain fall onto myface.
"Can you feel it?" she asks, still with the same gentleness. "Feel the rain. Breathe it. It's not going to harm you. It's not trying to trap you. It wants to wash away all your pain."
I don't know why I'm letting someone speak to me about something so intense and emotional, but I want to believe her words. I'm now in the middle of conquering one of my biggest fears. I'm sure that I would become even worse if I didn't believe her words.
I close my eyes and inhale deeply, sucking as much air as I need into my lungs. Instead of breathing fear, I'm trying to feel what it really is.
Fresh. Slightly cold. But refreshing.
