Page 48 of Light in Your Eyes
It doesn't smell so bad anymore. It's the smell of nature, and it's not my enemy. If it's true that it's trying to wash away all my pain, I will completely let it.
There's nothing I need more than to let go of my pain—the pain that has been torturing me since the day my world shattered.
When I open my eyes again, a lone tear rolls down my cheek, and I'm grateful that she can't see it. It would look just like another drop of rain running down my face.
"Dance with me," she asks teasingly, and I can imagine her plastering a smile.
A sudden urge to see how she looks when she smiles consumes me.
How does she look when she smiles?
"Come on." A giggle bursts from her mouth as she touches my shoulder while still holding my hand with her other hand.
She starts to guide me through the steps, and then we're dancing in the rain.
She dances so effortlessly. I don't think that she knows what she's doing because this is the silliest movement that I've ever done in my life. But she doesn't give a damn. She dances like nothing else matters.
Just like she said, the rain is making us forget the entire world and letting us do any goddamn thing we want.
She laughs, making a twirl and holding my hand. The sound of her laughter combined with the sound of the rain falling is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life, and I don't ever want this to end.
My thoughts catch me off guard, and I halt my movement, startling her. The rain has gradually turned into drizzling. It's not falling hard anymore, and my other senses start to grow back.
"Kellan?" Layla asks. "What's wrong?"
A thunder suddenly strikes, causing her to scream and stumble into my chest. I automatically hold her in my arms, and in this very moment, I can feel how hard her heart is beating against mine—how hardourhearts are beating.
"Sorry," she stutters, quickly pulling away from me.
An awkward silence falls, so I speak to her, "You still haven't told me why you're following me today. You were saying that there was something—"
I can't continue my sentence because I don't know the answer. I can feel her hesitance, and I'm trying my best to hold my anxiety.
"Well," she starts, sounding like she feels ashamed about what she's about to say. "I've been following you around because I still don't feel safe roaming around thishouse alone."
Anger crawls into me like a sickening disease.
"Especially around mealtime," she continues. "I know that you saved me and that no one would want to cross you, but those guys are such jerks, they are still trying to intimidate me while they can—"
I can't hear the rest. With rage consuming my body, I walk away from her and storm back toward the house.
"Kellan," she shouts, rushing up to catch me. "Wait."
The sound of her shoes stomping on the ground and making the water splash echoes in my ear, but I don't stop. I keep striding toward the house.
I'm not your fucking hero.
I remember the words I said to her—the words I've been trying to plant in my head because there's no way that I could be that to her.
"Kellan, please," Layla demands, following me. "What's wrong with you?" Her voice almost cracks. Frustration is evident in her tone.
I'm not your fucking hero.
Those words echo again and again in my head, taunting me and mocking me. What my heart wants, however, is far from that. Yet, the truth hits me hard. I can't be.
The fear of failing someone, of losing someone after trying to protect them, is still very much in my heart. I failed once, even though it almost cost my life.
I'm fucking blind now. I'm not destined to be a hero. Her hero. And it fucking makes me mad.
