Page 11 of Back to You
“Me too. It wouldn’t be the same without you, man.”
Up on the beach, Violet and Mrs. Fisher sat by the crackling fire pit. Violet waved to us. We waved back, so she came padding barefoot down the pier in her purple leopard-print tankini. This time, I noticed. I saw the way she strutted, like she was showing off for me.
“We’re making dinner. Mom says to come help. We got the stuff for pudgie pies.”
“Oh,hellyeah.” Dane grabbed the wooden ladder and climbed out of the lake. I couldn’t help but notice the way the weight of the water tugged his swim trunks down a little, giving me the perfect view of his ass-crack. I quickly looked away, all the while wishing I could see the whole thing. Dane had a great butt, but I didn’t want him to think I was perving.
Which I was, but still.
The twins headed back to shore. “C’mon, Hols,” Dane said, but I was already hauling myself out of the water. I grabbed my towel off the end of the dock and wrapped it around my shoulders, then followed them to the beach. I sank down in the chair on the very end and shook the water out of my hair. I was tired, but it was a good tired.
Mrs. Fisher looked at the three of us, a big smile on her face. “Boys, you’re in charge of making the pudgie pies. Violet, you’ve got hotdog duties. I’m gonna go fetch the buns and the drinks.”
“Hurry!” Violet said. “The fireworks are gonna start soon.”
“I’m running as fast as I can,” Mrs. Fisher called over her shoulder as she walked—slowly—away. “Look at me go.” The twins exchanged a glance. Violet shook her head with a giggle. She started spearing bun-length franks on the tines of the hotdog fork.
We ate until we were stuffed, then settled in to watch the show. Dane sat on the ground in front of me, leaning against my legs and using me as a backrest. His shaggy blond hair tickled my knees and I found myself smiling as the glittering lights boomed through the sky.
They were beautiful.
* * *
It was our last night at the lake. Violet and Mrs. Fisher had already gone to bed, leaving me and Dane outside to tend the fire. It had dwindled down to mere embers, but we sat there in the quiet of the night and watched them glow.
It was bittersweet, in a way. It reminded me of the past. To the days where Dad would get drunk and rampage, then pass out cold. Mom and I would leave him snoring on the couch to sleep it off. In the summertime, we’d build a small campfire to celebrate the silence. We’d sit on the patio beneath the starlight, getting chewed up by mosquitoes while we snacked on dry-roasted peanuts.
We used to stay up late to watch the meteor shower every year, just me and her, and Mom would point out the constellations and the falling stars. “Make a wish, Hollister,” she’d whisper as it streaked through the sky, only to peter out into darkness moments later.
I gazed up at the sky tonight, wondering if she was happy wherever she was now. Had she moved on? Or was her spirit still lingering here, too worried about me to be at peace? I frowned.
Dane nudged me gently. “Heavy thinking?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“About your mom?”
“I miss her.”
“I know, Hols. I still miss my dad. It gets easier, but it’ll never really go away.” He leaned his shoulder against mine, his head lolling to the side. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“She… She always thought that if anyone could beat cancer, it was her.” Emotion swelled in my throat, but I was determined not to cry. Not tonight. “When the doctor told her that she was dying, that there was nothing more they could do… It broke her heart. We sat together that night and we cried over everything she never got to experience, all the things she wished she’d done, and it’s bullshit.”
“Like what?” Dane mused.
I sniffed. “One of her dreams was to see the ocean and ride horses on the beach. She wanted to hike out to the Devil’s Bathtub in Virginia. She wanted to visit every state at least once, wanted to take me on the roadtrip of our lives.” And she’d wanted to fall in love, one last time. That one hurt the most.
Dane looked at me. “We should make a bucket list. We could do all those things for her, all the things she told you she wanted to do. We could do the roadtrip in her memory. It could be fun.”
I smiled despite my sadness. “Why not?”
“Alright, it’s a plan. One of these days, we’ll hit the road and do all of those things, just you and me,” he said, and it felt like a promise.
My heart gave a pang and tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I threw my arm around his shoulders in a hug. “Thanks for being here for me, even though I’m a giant sad-sack.”
Dane chuckled. “But you’remysad-sack and I love you, Hols.”
I love you, Hols.I closed my eyes, wishing he meant that in a different way, but wishes were like assholes; everyone had them.
“I love you too, Dane,” I whispered, though he’d never know how much. “Let’s head inside.”
