Page 48 of Back to You
“It didn’t feel real, not for weeks afterwards. It was like I was just waiting for her to come home and yell, ‘Surprise!’ She didn’t. Shecouldn’t.We buried her next to Dad. Mom was a mess.” He shook his head. “I thought about ending it, but I knew Violet would kick my ass, so I kept going. For her. Because she couldn’t. She’d want me to be happy. She wouldn’t want me to cry like this.”
He must’ve realized I was crying, too, because his face crumpled. He brushed his thumb through the tear tracks on my cheek. “Oh, Hols. I’m sorry.”
“I should’ve been there, but I couldn’t handle it and—”
“Shh. I know. I know. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he whispered thickly before tugging me down on top of him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and tried to will my rapidly-beating heart to slow down and not give me a heart attack.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You’re here now.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered.
He kissed my temple and cinched his arms tighter around me. “Then that’s all that matters,” he said, but as we lay there in a puddle of morning sunlight, I couldn’t help but wonder if I truly deserved this happiness. Could I really be what Dane deserved, since I’d already left once already?
No. Not going there, not today. I sniffled and sat up. “You wanna know what I think?” I asked, gazing down at him. When his eyes met mine, I smiled through the pain. “I think that we need to hunt down a Waffle House and celebrate Violet’s life with all-you-can-eat-pancakes. What do you think, Dane Fisher?”
His smile was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen, and before I knew what was happening, I was being crushed to his chest in a fierce hug. “I think that’s a wonderful idea. Vi would want us to gorge our sorrows in buttery-soft pancakes drenched in maple syrup.”
“She would, wouldn’t she?”
“Well what are we waiting for?” He sat up in bed, his sadness seemingly melting away. “Let’s eat.”
* * *
We lounged in bed wearing only our underwear, neither of us really ready to get up and start the day. We’d stayed out late last night, hanging out at this little hole-in-the-wall pub that advertised an open karaoke night. A couple of drinks later, we were crooning old 80’s classics into the mic like wannabe rockstars.
I’m one-hundred percent sure we were terrible, but we were too tipsy to give a single fuck. It’d been fun. Freeing, almost—and it was one of the things Mom had always wanted to do. Just one more thing to check off our bucket list.
With one leg hooked over Dane’s, I leaned into him and relished the warmth that poured off his body. I couldn’t stop touching him. I didn’t want to. I stroked small patterns onto his skin, swirling circles across his shoulder with my thumb.
“Tell me about your tattoos,” I said, tracing my fingers over the bubbly pink outline of Kirby on his left bicep. I finger-walked them right over to the Pikachu with lightning bolts coming out of his cheeks. I loved Dane’s ink. His entire arm was covered in video game characters, a brightly colored canvas of skin.
“Nothing much to tell. You know I always wanted one. I always knew it would end up being something nerdy. Surprise.”
“Typical.” My lips curved.
“When I started making good money, I got my first. This one, here.” He touched the green 1-Up mushroom on his inner wrist. “And boom, I was hooked. I decided I needed more, maybe even an entire sleeve dedicated to my love of games. I’m kind of an addict, if you couldn’t tell. I’m already craving my next one.”
“What are you gonna get?” I mused, enjoying the feel of his smooth skin beneath my palms as I slid them up his arm.
He rolled over to face me, propping his head up with the bend of his elbow. His blue eyes were suddenly soulful. “Well, I was thinking… Maybe we could get our Triforce tattoos this week, to symbolize our friendship through the ages, and our mutual love of Zelda, of course. I was gonna bring it up on our anniversary, but I guess the cat’s out of the bag.”
I grinned. I wasn’t at all surprised that he’d remembered the plans we’d made to get matching tattoos after graduation. We’d decided that Dane would get the Triforce of Power, Violet’s would be the Triforce of Wisdom, and I’d chosen the Triforce of Courage. It just fit.
“I like that idea,” I told him. “I like it a lot.”
“What about you?” he asked. “You have a couple. I saw the little bird behind your ear.”
Instinctively, I reached up and touched the small tattoo. “It’s a dove. Mom always put out bird feed for the mourning doves that would perch in that big tree out back. She loved their calls, so she fed them so they’d stick around. I wanted to set her free, so shortly after I met Gran, I got it done. The guy didn’t even charge me after I told him my story. He was good people.”
“And this one?” He rubbed his thumb over the tiny paw-print on my inner thumb, and my heart took a nosedive. That pain was still fresh, like wet paint without a warning sign. “Hollister?”
I swallowed the lump fast growing in my throat. “That one…was for a kitten that didn’t make it. His name was Finch.”
I don’t know what compelled me to stop that fateful day. It was pouring down rain in buckets and I was soaked to the bone, but something told me to stop. To listen.
And there, I heard the tiniest of meows. A tiny little creature crying his lungs out, his entire body sopping wet and covered in chalky mud so thick that he couldn’t even open his eyes. At first, I wasn’t even sure it was a kitten. Unable to leave him there to die, I’d scooped him up and tucked him inside my coat. I ran all the way home.
