Page 63 of Back to You
“Hollister?” he choked out finally. “Is that really you?”
I could feel Dane’s presence at my side, but I could only gape at the man who’d berated and abused me for the first fourteen years of my life. The man who’d struck my mom when she’d put herself between us. The man who’s lip had curled in disgust when he looked down at me, like I was nothing more than dog shit on his loafer.
I didn’t expect for him to break down crying. His briefcase dropped to the ground with a thud, right as he held his arms out to me. I recoiled. What? Did he expect me toembracehim? Hug it out? I was rooted to the spot, a brick wall.
“My god, I never thought I’d see you again,” he uttered.
“Wonder why.”
His expression twisted into something painful. “I’m sorry. I deserve that. I’m… I’m so sorry. I didn’t do right by you, Hollister. I was a terrible human being back then, and it’s haunted me for years, but I’ve seen the light. I’m not the man I used to be. I turned my life around, and God gave me a second chance. You and your mother—”
A strange numbness spread through me. I didn’t want him talking about her. “Mom’s dead,” I retorted sharply. “Thought you should know. You remember Dane, right? Dane Fisher?”
My father glanced between the two of us, then looked away. Shame mottled his cheeks an angry red. His shoulders drooped. “I truly am sorry. I was a monster. What I put you through… I wasn’t a good father to you. I was a terrible person, filled with self-loathing, and I took it out on you and your mother, and it was wrong. I’ve prayed over it, wishing I could go back and change things—”
“You can’t,” I snapped. “There isnothingyou could do to erase the things you said, the biting hatred you spewed, the punches you threw. I was a kid. I was just a fucking kid!”
Anger boiled inside of me, an angry pit of bile and venom. I threw my arms in the air. “You think someone just…gets oversomething like that? Having a father like that? I’ve spent my entire life believing I wasn’t worth shit, because of you, and you have the nerve to tell me thatGodhas forgiven you because youpray?”
“Hollister—”
“No. You know what? I’m over it. You were never a father to me, not once! I can count on one hand the times you were actually sober. You can pray for forgiveness all you want, if it’ll make you feel better, but it won’tevermake it right, and I hope you live with those regrets for the rest of your life.”
I shouldered past him, making tracks for the door. I threw it open and raced across the too-perfect front lawn, my breath catching in my chest as everything spiraled out of my control.
Dane called after me, but I was already too far gone. The moment I climbed the steps into the RV, I broke down sobbing. I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around myself and let it all come flooding out. I didn’t realize he was on the floor beside me until I was being wrapped in strong, sturdy arms.
I cried harder.
“Come back to me, Hols,” Dane whispered against my hair. I only held on tighter. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have forced it. You weren’t ready and I pushed you. I’m so sorry.”
“No,” I breathed out. “I’m glad you did. I n-never want to see him again, but at least now I know he has regrets. Maybe now I can finally let it go.” I sniffled into his shirt, pinching my eyes shut against wave after wave of emotional agony.
“I hate him. I hate that he started over without us. I hate that he got a second chance, but I hope to god he never beats those little girls, Dane. No one should ever live like that. Live in fear of their own father.”
“I know, baby. I wish I could take the pain away.”
I clung to him, jerking my face back. “You do. I love you so much it hurts, because I don’t feel like I deserve you, but I want to. I want to deserve you. I want to marry you and be a dad with you, and raise kids with you the way I wished I would’ve been raised. I want it sofuckingmuch, and I’m so scared that you’ll get sick of me and shut me out.”
“I won’t.” Dane’s blue eyes glittered with tears, and my throat knotted. He shook his head. “I’ve loved you since we were kids and you skinned your knees on the playground, protecting Violet like she was your own sister. I was just too afraid to admit it. But when you were bleeding, wanting to die? It ripped me open and I realized that I couldn’t bear to lose you. I still can’t. Please stay with me, Hols. Be with me, for now, maybe even forever. Be mine and take my name. We’ll make it work. Just say yes.”
I blinked furiously, trying to clear my vision, before a laugh bubbled up. “Did… Did you just basically ask me to marry you?” I whispered, and his smile warmed my aching heart. Soft and boyish and a little lopsided, it was one-hundred percent Dane Fisher.
The boy I loved. The man I’d always love.
“That depends,” he murmured. “Are you gonna say yes?”
“Yes.” I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands.
“Then I guess we’d better save for a big wedding, huh? You know Mom will kill us if we go and get hitched without a huge party. Soon it’ll be you and me, and Custard makes three.” He winked, and I could’ve sworn my heart actually exploded.
“You’re a nerd,” I whispered.
“And I’mallyours, baby.”
And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
