Page 25 of Saving Nevin
I pickedat the bacon on my plate, stirring the eggs with the tines of my fork, but I wasn’t really hungry. We’d eaten a huge dinner last night at Kace’s mom’s place. I could see where he got his cooking talents. The food was amazing. I was still pretty full, but Kace had gotten up early to make us breakfast and I didn’t have it in me to turn him down. Not when he was trying so hard to make me happy.
That was the kicker, though—Iwashappy. I hadn’t been this happy in, well…ever, if we were being honest. Happiness wasn’t something I was used to, or something I even believed I deserved. I was born an Omega, and in my pack, Omegas were there to serve a purpose. To give their Alphas sexual gratification, and to produce strong Alpha progeny. Nothing more.
My entire life was meant for someone else’s pleasure. My happiness and well-being didn’t matter; Rex had been all-too-eager to drill that into my head the day I turned eighteen and he’d hand-picked me to be his personal slave.
I never once believed that I could be this happy, and yet, it still felt unreal, sometimes. Like I should be waiting for the other shoe to fall, for reality to come crashing down over my head, for Kace to turn on me with fangs bared, to chase me from Rubydawn for the same reasons Rex had condemned me.
I shook my head, emotion swelling in my chest at the thought. No. Kace wasn’t like that. He was the kindest soul I’d ever met, and the fact that he cared about me blew my mind. Not only did he save my life, but he and his family had welcomed me into their pack without so much as a second thought. Even his friends had accepted me. For once in my life, I felt truly wanted. I could never repay him.
“Nevin?” I glanced up at my name, blinking away the thoughts I’d been stewing in. Kace stared at me, his brow furrowed in concern. “You okay? You’re looking a little bit pale. You don’t have to eat if you’re not hungry,” he assured me.
I looked down at the mess of food congealed on my plate, no longer appetizing. I didn’t want Kace to feel bad, though. A couple more bites wouldn’t hurt. I scooped scrambled egg onto my fork, but the minute the food hit my tastebuds, my stomach roiled. Hard.
A burst of salty saliva flooded my mouth, giving me all the warning I needed. There was no way I’d make it to the bathroom. I stumbled outside and leaned over the porch railing, vomiting breakfast along with last night’s dinner all over the mulched flowerbed in a sickly brown splatter.
I retched and gagged until nothing else came up, before sagging against the wooden rail. Damn… Where did that come from? I’d been fine just a few minutes ago. I wiped my mouth with the back of my sleeve, then grimaced at the smear of vomit on the fabric. Ugh.
“Nevin?” Kace joined me on the porch a moment later. My heart skipped a beat when he laid a damp washrag over the back of my neck, then gently squeezed my shoulder. “Hey, honey. Are you sick? Do you need to go lie down?”
I gazed up at him, feeling as confused as he looked. “I… I don’t think so?” Besides the nasty taste in my mouth, the nausea had passed as fast as it’d come on. I felt fine now. I frowned. “Sorry if I ruined breakfast.”
The corners of Kace’s eyes crinkled. “Nev? I mean this in the nicest and most loving of ways, but shut up,” he said gently before placing a kiss on my forehead. “You didn’t ruin anything. Why don’t you go curl up on the couch with a blanket. I’ll make you some tea. I’ll call off work and we can stay in today. I don’t want you to be alone.”
I sighed, but I couldn’t keep the smile off my face if I tried. “What did I do to deserve you?”
Kace simply grinned, patting my shoulder. “I think you’ve been through plenty in your life. It’s about time you got something good, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, but that was just the beginning.
Every morning for the next week, almost like clockwork, I got sick during breakfast. Sometimes I didn’t even make it into the kitchen; just the smell of food made my stomach riot, and I was worshipping the porcelain throne. The nausea passed as quickly as it came, but all it did was cement in the fact that I was broken.
I’d had false pregnancies before. My stupid body wanted a baby that it would never be able to conceive. I should never had held Klei’s daughter.
I sank down on the bathroom floor as tears flooded my eyes, a soft sob escaping me. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold on to all the good in my life. Why now? There was a gentle knock at the door, and then Kace was kneeling beside me. His hand stroked up and down my back as he gently hushed me.
“It’s not fair,” I whispered.
“Nev…” He wiped the tears from my eyes with the pads of his thumbs, brushing them away. His voice was so gentle as he said, “I know you said you were barren, but maybe you need to take a pregnancy test. Just in case?”
I hiccuped around a bitter laugh. I already knew it would come back negative. It always had. “It doesn’t matter,” I told him. “It won’t change things. My stupid body is broken. I-It thinks we’re pregnant even when we’re not. It’s happened before! It’s n-not fucking fair!”
“I know, honey. I’m sorry. Wait here a second.” He stood up and I closed my eyes, listening to his footsteps echoing off the hardwood. He was gone for barely a minute before he joined me in the tiny bathroom once more. He pushed a small box into my hands. Tears filled my eyes once more when I realized what he’d brought me.
A pregnancy test.
When did he even buy it? And why? Because I kept getting sick over breakfast? Because he secretly wanted the baby we’d never have? Why did that hurt so badly? I squeezed the box, holding it to my chest, as if that might magically make all of my problems disappear.
“It’s only going to tell me what I already know,” I uttered, feeling defeated, but Kace wouldn’t have it. He threaded his fingers through my hair, stroking it gently.
“Take it? Please? For me?” His plea was so damn earnest that it broke my heart. I sniffled and nodded, then fumbled to open the box. I didn’t need to read the directions. It wasn’t like I hadn’t taken a million of them before. Kace kissed the top of my head and stood. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed, and when he left the room, I closed the door behind him, needing that little bit of privacy. I took a deep breath and took the test, if only to prove to Kace what I already knew.
As soon as I finished, I carefully set the little plastic test on the bathroom counter and backed away, as if it were a cobra readying to strike. I wiped my face with the back of my sleeve and sniffled, sinking down onto the ledge of the bathtub to wait. Sorrow rang through me, making my chest feel like it was being squeezed in a vice.
Kace didn’t understand. How could he? He was an Alpha. He would never understand an Omega’s struggles with that ticking time-bomb that was my paternal clock, that desperate need to carry a child in my womb and feel it kick and thrive; the yearning to hold the baby I suffered through childbirth for, to kiss it and cradle it and nurse it…
After a painful few minutes, I stood and peeked at the pregnancy test.
