Page 2 of Shadowing My Dreams
1
Jack
“Iseriously wasn’t sure that you’d ever wake up, Jack,” Daveed, my brother from another mother, popped the top of his beer can and grinned at me. “Man, watching you lying there in that hospital bed was hard. Especially when they tried to bring you out of your coma, and you refused to wake up. The nurse kept saying that if it were meant to happen, it would happen in your own time. Guess she was right!”
I grinned at him as I thought about the sweet nurse who kept coming in to check on me. “That sounds like Bernice. She was my favorite out of all of them. She was the first person I saw when I woke up.”
“I don’t remember her name. She sure did move fast, though.” He grinned.
“That does not sound like Bernice,” I chuckled.
“I’m glad you had this beer here and even chilled. I must have left it in your fridge the last time I was over.” He scratched his black, bald head.
“You know I don’t drink that shit, man. So, it had to be yours.” I only drank when I went out. I had an unopened bottle of bourbon on hand in case I ever really needed a drink. But drinking at home all alone was not for me. My dad did that – he was not a very nice man.
“I know you’re happy to be home, finally. I’m glad I don’t have to go to the fucking hospital. Anymore. Talk about a depressing place.” He took a giant swig of his beer.
“Yes, because it’s all about you, bro,” I chuckled lightly. “It’s weird. I mean, I just ordered an Uber after being there for over three months. It was surreal to leave, I guess. It felt wrong. Like if I got in the car, what was going to happen, you know? My heart beat so fast – I was terrified for a second. Would everything in my life be the same, or had everything changed? I felt… I feel like a ghost in my own life.” I was fucked up. But I had been given some bizarre opportunity at another chance, and I didn’t plan on wasting this one.
“You’ve been through a lot, bro. It’s going to take some time for you to adjust back to the way it was.”
“I guess.” I shrugged.
“It will, dude. You just have to get back on the horse and start riding again.”
“Yeah, 'cause I’m such a cowboy?”
“Bad analogy. Fine – but you know what I mean.”
“I did come and water your plants while you were in the hospital,” he laughed. “I have a black thumb, apparently.”
I glanced around at all of my withered plants and shook my head. “You overwatered them, I think. But they’re not dead. Thanks. I appreciate the attempt.”
“I tried.”
“Hey, you also had Eloise come clean, and that alone was a huge help. I appreciate that, man. I expected an inch of dust overeverything and to have to swat away cobwebs when I came in.” That had been a relief. I had expected the half-dead plants.
“Eloise took care of everything, and she even brought you food and put some homemade meals in the freezer for you. She was really sweet. She thinks a lot of you.” Daveed was being so careful with what he said. He was treating me like I was fragile. Fuck – was I? I didn’t know anymore. I felt fragile. Life felt fragile.
“I do her too. She brings me tamales every so often, and they’re fucking delicious. Hope she put some of those in the freezer.”
“So… How are you actually feeling?”
“I don’t know. Numb, I guess. I mean, I just walked back into a life that’s in fucking shambles. Do I still have a job – clients? It’s been months – I doubt it. I’m just thankful that I had set up direct payments for the mortgage and HOA, but if I don’t get back to work soon, my bank is gonna start laughing when they put those charges through. I may be totally fucked. It’s the not knowing that’s… odd.” It felt good to be truthful. I had always hidden my fears from everyone because I didn’t want to be seen as weak. That no longer felt important. I had changed in some ways, and I needed to discover what those were. I lived – I had time. I had been lucky, but one day, my luck would run out if I wasn’t careful. I knew I needed to be careful.
“I think you should buy yourself a lottery ticket, my brother. You are one lucky son of a bitch. We were positive that you weren’t coming out of that coma, and eventually, your DNR would kick in. It was like walking on eggshells, man. Every time we’d go see you, we prayed that you were still there.”
I leaned forward and picked up my vitamin water. “How’s Maurice? I was sure he’d be with you.”
“Nah, man. He’s… We’re taking a little break. It got a little too real for him, I think. We still talk and even see each other,but we’ve cooled our jets.” His face fell, and so did my heart. They had been so good together.
“Sorry, man. I love him, but you’re my brother. I hope you guys can work it out.” I reached over and patted his knee.
“Yeah, me too, sometimes – most times, I guess. It’s been almost two years, man. But one mention of moving in together freaked him out. I’m trying to be… cool about it, but when I think about it, I just get pissy. It’s not about the fucking mortgage. Either we’re together, or we’re not. I thought we were good.”
“So, you’re not pissy about it at all?” I chuckled. “Sorry, bro. That sucks. But look at the silver lining, you can start going out with me again instead of being so fucking boring.” I leaned back and crossed my legs. The soreness had finally left from all of the rehab at the hospital.
“Going out with you is practically going out alone. You meet someone fifteen minutes after getting there, and you’re fucking him an hour later. What’s the point?”
