Page 26 of Shadowing My Dreams
“She took Dad’s side. She was never very good at having a thought or emotion of her own. When I left, they made it clear that I was no longer welcome. Their choice – not mine. But it’s also their choice to either open the door back onto my life or not. I assume they have chosen since they never used the number I gave them.” The small hint of regret in his voice made me want to hold him.
“You moved here to WeHo at eighteen? I assume you knew you were gay?”
He chuckled loudly. “Oh, yeah. I learned that quickly in middle school when I got a crush on my best friend. I knew better than to say anything to him about it. He was definitely straight. But it wasn’t the tits of the cheerleaders I was looking at. It was the asses of the football players,” he smirked.
“God, no wonder you became a man whore,” I chuckled.
“Hey, I…” He stopped and nodded. “I deserve that title. It’s true.”
“It’s totally in your energy field. Sex radiates off you.” I blushed.
“Still? Huh? I was eighteen and eager to start my life and there were many men who threw themselves at me. I was a go-go boy at Mickey’s for a little while. I didn’t actually enjoy it, though. Got great tips.” He grinned. “But that’s all behind me. Is it weird that dying changes you?”
“I think that if anything could – It’s a jolt to your very essence.” I smiled at him warmly.
“You use very pretty words that I might have to google later. I have a bad high school education and a limited vocab. Sorry, Arch, but this is me. I think I want to be worthy of someone like you, though.”
“Someonelikeme?”
“Can I touch you here, or is that dangerous?” He leaned forward again.
“Tell me more about the new you. What is it you want, Jack?”
“I used to go work, go out and dance my ass off and then bring a boy home to fuck. It was a regular thing. But since I got home, I’ve… I put away my cell phone and deleted Grindr. I limit my social media to just a few minutes a day, and I don’t keep my cell phone on me any longer. I started reading a book. I have always loved to read, but over the last few years, I stopped, so I started again. I haven’t gone to a bar. I haven’t hooked up with anyone. I’m… I think I’m tired of trying that hard, and I tried very hard. But I have no idea what it was I had even been trying to do except be wild. I don’t want that any longer. I want a home life and security again. I want what I should have always wanted – a good life that I’m proud of. I make good money; I just blew through all my savings when I was dead. The shopping in the afterlife is amazing,” he laughed deeply, and I felt my toes curl.
“That sounds like you’re a changed man.”
“I am,” he answered happily. “I’m… I like knowing you. I think you’re someone who would be so good to know –biblicallyand in life. You’re so strong and self-assured.”
“Am I? I think that’s just a front I put on. I’m terrified of too many things.” I was honest with him. I couldn’t see a reason not to be.
“What kind of things?”
“Things like you.” I glanced away. “We should get out of here. Tomorrow is going to be a long day of trying once again to get your ghostly roommate to cross over. You ok with that?”
“I’m just supposed to let that go and let you change the subject, right?”
“Yes, please.”
“Ok… You never did answer my question, though. Is it safe for us to touch here?”
I glanced around the restaurant and opened myself up. It was clean of spiritual energy. I nodded.
Jack stood up, came over to my side of the table, and held out his hand. I took it and let him gently pull me up. His arms wrapped around me, and he leaned forward. “I’m gonna kiss you now. You can stop me if you don’t want me to.”
I tilted my head up towards him, and his lips gently touched mine. It wasn’t a peck, but it was more chaste than I would have expected of him. I wrapped my hand around his neck and opened my mouth. His kiss grew hungrier, and his tongue slowly pressed into my mouth. I moaned into the kiss, and he slowly pulled back.
“I think this might have been our first date. I fuck on the second.” He grinned at me. “I do like you, Arch. I don’t want to be something that you’re scared of.”
“I’ll consider it.”
He walked me outside and I watched him walk away toward what I assumed was Daveed’s house. I turned and headed home. Somehow the moon shown brighter than it ever had.
I was life’s biggest fool, but the damage was already done.
11
Jack
