Page 29 of Shadowing My Dreams
“Do you know what year it is?”
“Why should I fucking care?”
“You died forty years ago. The world has changed so much. Being gay isn’t… We don’t have to keep that secret anymore. Not like we used to. Now, kids come out much younger than even my generation did. Things got better.”
“AIDS? Is HIV still a thing?”
“Yes, but it no longer is as it was either. People can now live with HIV, and we have real drugs that keep you undetectable.”
“WE even have a drug to take if you’re having sex that helps prevent you from getting it,” Archie added and gestured over to the bed. We walked over, and he sat down. “If you aren’t sick – why do you still carry it with you?”
“Hmm… Do I? I didn’t know. I’m dead and feel nothing but my own emotions, and even they’re more muted than they were in life. It’s hard to even work up a good hissy.”
“You are free from disease, Isaac. Let it go – please? It’s tearing me apart.”
“How?”
“Let go of the past and your anger. Whatever – whyever you are punishing yourself – you have to let it go.”
“You make it sound so easy. You have no idea what I did.”
“I think I do. You were living your life the best way you knew how – like every gay man in the seventies and eighties. You were punished by that fucking disease for living. It wasn’t God’s plan or retribution for sin; it was just something that happened, and we were its first victims. You can choose to stop being a victim.”
“We can’t stay any longer. Isaac, you’re hurting him.”
“I… I’m not trying to, I… Fuck… He was so hot, and I never even knew his name. I knew it was risky, but at the time, I only knew a couple of people who had gotten sick. This was, in the beginning, understand. The problem was we didn’t understand anything. No one was giving us real information. He didn’t have a condom – I hated them, anyway. I know how I got it, and I’m so scared that Drew died the same horrible way that I did.”
“What was Drew’s last name? We’ll see what we can find out. We want to help you, Isaac.”
“Parker. Drew’s name was Andrew Parker.”
I let go of Arch’s hand and he fell over on his knees. He was weak and I helped him up and slowly walked him to the bathroom.
“I… I don’t think I’m gonna… Get out!” He gestured, and I understood. I turned and shut the door behind me.
Andrew Parker.
“I hear you, Isaac. Rest and let go of your pain. It’s going to be ok.” I spoke to the windowsill and smiled at the fact that I just had a conversation with a ghost, and I wasn’t running for my life like a little asshole. It was because that the very cute boy who was puking in the bathroom had been by my side, and I trusted him.
I trusted him enough to do this, and I would do it again as long as he was by my side.
12
Archie
“Have you found anything yet?” I huffed as I watched Jack doing something on his cell phone.
“No. I don’t see Andrew Parker on Insta or Facebook. I mean, I see plenty of Andrew Parkers, Drew Parkers, and Andy Parkers, but none that say they live in WeHo or Los Angeles that would be close to the same age. I found one who was a gun enthusiast that might be around seventy. But come on… I doubt that’s him. He’s in Riverside. No gay guy leaves WeHo for Riverside.” He grinned at me, and I felt my face flush. He liked me, and it made absolutely no sense.
“I’m searching the database, and there were a lot of Andrew Parkers who died in the last forty years. Most of this doesn’t tell me much of anything except for the how he died part. Most of them were, of course – wanna take a guess?”
“Natural causes?” He cocked an eyebrow at me, and I was glad I was sitting down. I liked him, and that also made absolutely no sense. But I did, and it scared me much more than a silly ghost.
“Let me try to see if I can find any kind of last known residence.” I typed in his name on my people search and laughed when I saw the number of people who fit my criteria. “Well, that is overwhelming. This would take me a long time to go through.”
“I think you need an assistant for this. A ghost finder – sounds like a cool job description that only very strange people would apply for.”
“So you want the job?”
